3rd Annual Crushies!!

Discussion in 'Thread Archive' started by JQwon13, Jan 23, 2012.

  1. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,170
    The 3rd Annual Crushies
    [​IMG]
    [Camera pans across a beautiful array of spotlights over the river. They dance erratically around the night sky drawing the attention of everyone within miles.]​
    Dick: Coming to you live from Wild Fowl Bay in Michigan, I'm Dick Harding with the 3rd annual Crushies!! Tonight's ceremony and events will take place upon a beautiful yacht by the name of "Plenty of Seamen". What a beautiful night it is and everyone is excited for the new location here in the bay. It's a grand view as the lush red carpet rolls right down the dock and right up the giant ramp leading onto the beautiful yacht. Wake Forest coach Kasper was the first one to arrive, by taxi of course, and has been knocking back the drinks since. Security seems to be ignoring his drunkenness as they are on high alert after last years violent ending saw the death of a former member as The Natural was gunned down by current Virginia coach -Cougars- . Luckily there were plenty of witnesses and head of security Shaun Mason was unable to pin this one on The Qwon.​
    [The camera slides into position right at the top of the ramp and watches as dozens of assistant coaches and players make their way up. Emerging from the crowd are North Carolina coach fuzzyl0gic and Michigan coach Philstyle3005 . As they near the top, the crowd gets a little more congested trying to squeeze through a smaller area and Fuzzy is unable to get through due to PhilStyle being pressed up against him. The two exchange heated words and then continue along their way]​
    Dick: PhilStyle, if we could just get a few moments of your time... Obviously it was another great season for Big Blue as you have really emerged as the top contender coming out of Orange Crush every year. How have you done it?​
    PhilStyle: Well, first off...I started with Michigan. So it sure is nice starting with plenty of talent as well great recruiting pitches.​
    Dick: People have started comparing your run of dominance to that of The Naturals, your response to that?​
    PhilStyle: God I hope not... If that's true then I better steer clear of Cougars.​
    Dick: Haha, thanks Phil. Now to speak with the Fuzz. Coach Fuzzy, obviously it was a very solid year for you. You made a great undefeated run through the ACC that culminated in an exciting victory over Wake Forest in which your team had to rally from a large deficit. Your only two losses came at the hands of your two B1G opponents as both PhilStyle and CoachRedd managed to get the best of you. How do you go forward from here?​
    Fuzzy: Those were certainly tough losses, but I feel that we are in good shape to really take full command of the ACC and that is always our first goal. We'll get our revenge against the B1G. Last year, Purdue managed to upset us, but we came back with a vengeance this year beating them 41-7. We haven't peaked yet. We're still on our way up.​
    Dick: Congrats on the season coach, thanks for your time. And look who's coming up the ramp now. It's Clemson Coach sawemoff . He might have something to say about North Carolina taking over the ACC. Coach, you had a fantastic season to start off your career here in the OC. There were a few key losses, but overall you have to be happy about where you started here.​
    Sawemoff: Thanks Dick. Yeah we're going to be losing quite a bit of talent off that team but we're here to prove that we're going to be a contender each and every year...​
    [The Qwon strolls up to Dick and Sawemoff and takes the mic]​
    Qwon: Take it easy there FNG. You haven't earned your lumps just yet​
    Sawemoff: Ya know what, I've already had a bad day and I'm not dealing with this asshole.​
    [Sawemoff turns and storms back down the ramp and off the boat]​
    Dick: Well Qwon, it's nice to see your sensitivity training is going well.​
    Qwon: Eat a dick...Dick.​
    [Cougars steps off the top of the ramp and onto the boat, a cold stare in his eyes as he walks towards Dick with determined strides. A new tattoo of a tear drop rests just below his right eye. Dick lowers his eyes to the ground to avoid eye contact with Cougars and cowers as Cougars moves past him and into​
    the yachts auditorium.]​
    Dick: Well while I go change my pants, let's head inside as we get ready to kick things off.​
    [The camera glides forward through the door way. The pre ceremony entertainment is just finishing up]​
    [​IMG]
    [Part of the entertainment was a magic act that somehow made Coach Maniac disappear and Coach Total Doubt reappeared in his place. Most of the coaches didn't seem to even notice the difference. As the entertainers leave the stage, Dick walks on]​
    Dick: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 3rd annual Crushies! It's an absolute treat to be here for our 3rd year of this awards show. The years just keep flying by. What a treat it is to be here on this beautiful boat. So let's get this bad boy started before CoachRedd decides he needs a couple days off again.​
    Dick: This year, we're gonna start things off with a surprise. And I mean that literally as we will begin with the award for this season's Most Surprising User. Interesting votes here as The Qwon received a couple votes thanks to winning the Leaders Division of the B1G despite a team lacking talent. Kasper would receive a vote as would Sawemoff, who surprised many with his play out of the gates. However, the winner of this award, should surprise nobody...Garnering 6 votes and the award for the Most Surprising User is....​
    Hornfaninbama!!
    Dick: A big congratulations to him. It wasn't too long ago that he was receiving the award for most disappointing and then the award for the bright future. He has finally realized that future after a fantastic year last season. He has finally turned Nebraska into a threat in the Legends division and may even give PhilStyle a run for his money.​
    Dick: But while the news for some is good... For others, things went the other way. The next category will be for the Most Disappointing User. It was a bit of a surprise to not see Qwon here, but thanks to winning the division he managed to stay out of here. Unfortunately for BPHusker , Redd and Total Doubt, they were not as each picked up a vote. However this one ended in a land slide as well. Taking down 6 votes and the award for the most disappointing user is....​
    Oshiomogho!!
    Dick: It really was a tough season for the Badgers. Oshiomogho 's squad had a lot of talent but really just couldn't get it going as they stumbled to a 7-5 finish. After a division title two years ago, Wisconsin just isn't the Cat's meow any more. They finally broke their losing streak against Purdue, but did so against a Boilermaker squad without coach Qwon.​
    Dick: You really hate to take home an award like this. Speaking of hate, let's see who the most hate was directed towards this season. Our next category is for the Most Hated Poster this season. Always plenty of candidates for this award, although one coach voting said that he "likes everybody in the league." While I find that hard to believe, the other coaches had no problem casting their votes. Even Maniac managed to pick up a vote here although now that he's disappeared for good, maybe the hate towards him will as well. The Qwon of course picked up a vote as well.​
    Dick: This category though came down to two posters receiving multiple votes, Oshiomogho and Kasper. And in a final vote of 4-2, the winner of most hated poster this year is....​
    Kasper!!
    Dick: Congrats to the young drunk from middle of nowhere, South Dakota. With Qwon missing from the boards this season some and Natty out of the way, Kasper really took advantage of the opportunity and douched his way to a victory for this award. But just to cheer you guys up, let's take a look at the Most Liked Poster this season. Fuzzy, Cougars and Sawemoff both received a vote here, but this one came down to three posters receiving multiple votes.​
    Dick: CoachRedd, Hornfaninbama and Oshiomogho all threw their hat in the ring here... But the winner of a vote of 3-2-2, despite one voter calling him "hogfaninbama" you guessed it....​
    Hornfaninbama!!
    Dick: Impressive victory here as Hornfaninbama proves that winning would not take away from how the other coaches felt about him. He won and he did so with class. He played the game like Joe Paterno, hopefully with a little less rape in the locker room. But a big congrats to him.​
    Dick: Now we'll head to our first intermission but don't go away!​
    INTERMISSION

     
    • Like Like x 7
  2. BPHusker

    BPHusker Walk On

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2011
    Messages:
    1,124
    Someone voted me as the most disappointing? Really?! I went 9-4 after finishing 6-6 last year. I also redeemed my first user game last year, a 31-7? beat down at the hands of Wisconsin, with a complete beatdown of my own. >:|
     
  3. Oshiomogho

    Oshiomogho Donnie Darko

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,310
  4. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,170
    I've gotta finish some things up at work, it's a miracle i got the first part of the crushies done. But parts 2 and 3 will come tonight after I beat Cougars.
     
  5. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,170
    Oh and as always, if you won an award, don't forget to post your victory speech in here.
     
  6. -Cougars-

    -Cougars- Walk On

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2010
    Messages:
    4,129
    [​IMG]
     
  7. CoachRedd

    CoachRedd I come through in something real foolish

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,223
    And you being voted most disappointing istn even the most egregious... I received one after going 10-2 and making it to a BCS Bowl...what more do you want from me?

    btw, JQwon13 great shit as always. It would take all my fingers and toes to count the number of hilarious sneaky inside jokes you have hidden in these. Props to you. Looking forward to parts 2 and 3.
     
  8. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,170
    Dick: And we are back everybody. Sorry for the extended intermission, I had to step backstage and listen to Fuzzy cry about not winning any awards. But on with the show...Obviously we know plenty of the guys around here have been the most offensive, but who had the best offensive scheme? Well this was one of the closer votes we've had. Every candidate on this one received at least two votes. This one came down to Hornfaninbama, Redd, Fuzzy and Cougars.

    And in the end the award for best offensive scheme was a tie!


    Between Fuzzy and CoachRedd!!


    Dick: Congrats to both of them. They each received 3 votes a piece. He may have not won it outright, but Fuzzy can now claim an award to his name. His great season was fueled by a high powered offense. Meanwhile Redd hit the B1G like a hurricane. His offense has transformed every year and this year it transformed into something no one could stop.

    Dick: While these two had high powered offenses, this league has become more and more a defensive league. Many teams sported great defenses. Cougars received one vote as did BPHusker. Meanwhile the multiple votes came down to three coaches. Once again Hornfan and Redd were finalists along with PhilStyle.

    And the winner for the best defensive scheme is....



    Philstyle!!


    Dick: Well I guess they weren't lying when they said defense wins championships. And Philstyle wins awards because he wins games. So congrats to him on his pressing defense. While we've seen who had the best offense and who had the best defense, who put it all together and played the best football of anyone out there?

    Look no further than the ACC title game for two of the candidates. Kasper and FUzzy both received multiple votes. Meanwhile you obviously can't leave out B1G champion Philstyle. But the darkhorse Cougars also enters the race with multiple votes received. FNG sawemoff even received one vote.

    But this of course down to the veterans. One B1G team and three ACC teams in the running. And the winner is....



    Philstyle!!

    Dick: B1G =1, ACC =0. No real surprise here. Philstyle took down the B1G championship knocking off Qwon in the conference title game. He then would go on to beat ACC Champ Fuzzy in the Orange Bowl and show that he was the best player in the OC. Now as we head to our 2nd intermission, I'd like to remind Oshio that cats can't swim.



    2nd Intermission
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2010
    Messages:
    4,170
    Dick: Let's start back for the final part of this years crushies by celebrating the best game among a season full of great matchups. There was a lot of fun and a lot of tight finishes. But in the end, this one came down to only two games getting votes. The first was the triple OT thriller between Nebraska and Iowa. The second was the furious rally by North Carolina to come back and knock off Wake Forest in the ACC championship game. And the winner of the best game of the season by a tally of 8 votes to 1 was....



    Iowa over Nebraska in triple overtime!!


    While their game came down to the wire, this vote certainly did not. The coaches across the league recognized the greatness of this game. This was a high scoring affair that is obvious considering both these coaches got votes for best offensive shceme, but in the end Iowa got the stop they needed in OT.

    Now we move from two coaches involved in a great game to two coaches most likely to be involved in an off the field altercation. This group certainly is more than capable of producing plenty of drama. But who is the most likely? There were many different pairings in the votings, some of which were more interesting than others such as Qwon-Kasper and the ghost of Natty. Then another coach voted for The Qwon and Shaun Mason. With all the different pairings, it made choosing a winner difficult. But in the end there must be a winner. And the pair to receive the most votes was....



    Qwon and Kasper!!


    Congrats to those disfunctional idiots. Now keep in mind that it was difficult to pick a winner here. Cougars also received 4 votes along with Qwon, but Qwon gets the nod due to being part of the pair that was chosen the most. Redd was also thrown in there couple times. But enough on that. Let's move on before these guys start to fight about something more. Speaking of moving on, let's look to the future. Our next category is for the team with the Brightest Future. Some don't think Redd is done as he picked up a vote, as did Oshi as he's expected to bounce back. However, the teams to receive multiple votes were The Qwon, Hornfaninbama and Cougars. It appears the other coaches expect Qwon and Cougars to make their mark once their teams catch up in terms of talent. Meanwhile some expect Hornfaninbama to keep the momentum going from what he started this year. And the winner for Bright Future is....



    Hornfaninbama!!


    People are just greedy. Hornfan turned in a phenomenal season but it appears the other coaches want more next year. The question will be whether or not he can deliver. Well as is always the case, all good things must come to an end. So we move on to our final category and it's a good thing as the majority of the crowd appears to be nearing beligerance. Maybe we should stop serving alcohol until after the show. Regardless, our final category asked coaches to take a look at the winner of the other conference. The B1G would be free of any surprises as the voters expect more of the same, however Redd did manage to garner a vote. The real tough decision was deciding on the winner of the ACC. Votes went to Kasper, Fuzzy and the new guy Sawemoff. But there was enough disparity to decide a winner. And the winner for most likely to win their conferences next season are....



    PhilStyle and Kasper!!


    Congrats to those two expected champions. Expectations are high for both programs, we'll see if they rise to the challenge. But for now, that's it here at the 3rd Annual Crushies! It's been a great night and a pleasure spending it with each of you. It's open bar all night fellas so drink up. We're gonna party hard all night long! What could go wrong??



    Photos of the party from the following morning....


    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 2
  10. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2010
    Messages:
    12,536
    Hahaha great stuff JQwon13 .. and we didn't melt down after our game, so I don't see it happening.

    Response to most hated poster:

    "Just curious but what did I do to all of you douchebags that garnered this award? Its not my fault somebody has to tell you idiots to shut the fuck up once in a while. Qwon get off your ass and take this award back this year. That said, this bad boy will be displayed proudly for a solid season in the Wake Forest locker room, along with our 4 division championships. *middle finger as I walk off stage*"

    Response to most likely to win ACC:

    "Did anybody even look at the ratings? My fucking team is C+ on defense again and B- overall. If fuzzyl0gic is worth half a shit on the sticks he will take the crown again, hell sawemoff might even take the division this year since I don't have Matt James to shit all over his defense. Either way, we will have a good year because I'm a fucking good coach. Me winning this award is the reason I win the most hated poster, I'm in a league full of idiots."

    **Note I am just playing the role I've been given. I enjoy everyone in this league and it is by FAR the funnest I have ever been involved in on TSO.

    Thanks for the love OC, and again, great job Qwon.
     
  11. Philstyle3005

    Philstyle3005 Walk On

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2011
    Messages:
    2,481
    Great job as always JQwon13 great read. Had some good laughs reading it.
     
  12. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Messages:
    8,935
    I agree, with the talent I have this year, there is NO excuse if I don't win it.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. sawemoff

    sawemoff #FearTheBeard

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2011
    Messages:
    3,990
    • Like Like x 2
  14. hornfaninbama

    hornfaninbama GT: BulgyTexas

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,826
    Great job jqwon. I was rolling.
     
  15. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2010
    Messages:
    12,536
    Shitty part is you will always have the talent, and are already getting the next crop prepped. I still need to get kids like that on campus..
     

Share This Page