The 4th Annual Crushies![The camera looks down from a helicopter onto a litany of cars and limousines as they make their way to drop off their passengers at the red carpet of this year's Crushy awards ceremony. The large building housing this year's show is covered in banners and surrounded by spotlights. Another camera zooms in to host Dick Harding.] Dick: Ladies and gentlemen, just when you thought you had had enough, we are back again for the 4th Annual Crushies! I know you all must be excited. After the little incident with the boat last year, we've decided to keep this show on dry land in hopes of keeping the destruction to a minimum. As you can see behind me, there are plenty of women hoping to catch a glimpse of these very prestigious coaches in the OC.... Dick: I think we all know fuzzyl0gic will be busting out the checkbook tonight for one or two of these ladies. What a tumultuous year it was in the OC though. There was a lot of turmoil and some good men were lost. Members of the OC were forced to say goodbye to CoachRedd as he decided to hang it up and announce his retirement. It was a sad day in the OC and it was only the beginning. It was only shortly after that the original creator of The Hardies and then of The Crushies JQwon13 decided he had enough. After back to back trips to the conference title game, The Qwon called it quits early in this season and The OC world was rocked. A statue of The Qwon was mounted shortly after. Dick: While both Redd and The Qwon will be missed, life in the OC has moved on. New members have joined to keep the fire going in this great dynasty. Steamer43 was a huge addition to the dynasty. After months of his ex-dynasty mate, JQwon, trying to persuade him to join the OC, Steamer finally gave in only to see Qwon leave promptly after. But Steamer wasn't the only addition, Masler has joined to take over the Spartans of Michigan St. Unfortunately the mass exodus wasn't over as hornfaninbama had finally become a legitimate contender in the league and then immediately disappeared. Obviously there was a long police investigation as Kasper took the helm at Nebraska amidst rumors of foul play. However, nothing was ever proven. With Hornfan gone, it made room for an old member, UofCWildcat to rejoin. Wildcat originally left the dynasty upon realizing he wasn't smart enough for college, but then he came up with a solution to his problem...Transfer to a dumber college. Dick: So there you have it. A new OC with plenty of anticipation for the next season. And I'm sure there's plenty of anticipation for tonight's grand ceremony. We have two nice surprises for you tonight. So let's head inside to take a look at the first surprise, the theme and venue of tonight's awards show! Dick: That's right! Tonight's ceremony will be held at a giant roller disco! That's the first surprise of the evening so let's boogey on down to the skate rentals and see if we can catch up with some of the coaches before they strap on...their skates that is. Who knows what kind of stuff Kasper is into. Well here's our good friend coach -Cougars- .[Camera pans over to the wall as Cougars works on getting his skates on] Dick: Coach, I'm digging the hair my friend. It's always good to see you, and this is certainly a special night for you as you brought home the ACC championship this season. However, you did so amidst allegations of schedule tampering as it's is a little suspicious that your success comes in a year you made the schedule. Response? Cougars: Oh come on Dick, you know that's just The Man trying to hold me down. I won fair and square. I still had to play sawemoff in the ACC championship game and I knocked the silver spoon he was born with, right out of his mouth. The Cavaliers are a force to be reckoned with. Dick: Of course, of course. Well obviously there has been a lot of movement in the league this year. What do you make of it all? Cougars: Well in the end, this league is here to stay. There was some coming and going, which I plan to do later, but in the end this league is as strong as ever. I know that coward Kasper saw me have one good year and went running for the B1G. Dick: Well as always, it's been a pleasure. Let's move on to get a few words with the big cheese himself, Fuzzyl0gic. Fuzzy, as the commissioner of the OC, you must take a little bit of the blame when it comes to losing so many strong members this season. What happened? Fuzzy: Well Dick, it's tough to say. Redd and Qwon were a volatile pair and I think it's probably for the best that those two douchebags said their goodbyes. As for Hornfan, he had won most liked poster two years in a row, and let's face it, nice guys finish last. Especially in this corrupt, hell-hole of a league. The members of this dynasty have done things that would make Satan shake his head. But we brought in some great members to replace them so overall I think we upgraded. Dick: Well I suppose only time will tell on that. Thanks for your time Fuzzy. Here comes coach Philstyle3005 . Phil: Hey Dick, I assume you want to interview me!!? Dick: No, not really. Phil won the B1G and the national championship....Kinda figured we covered that the last two seasons. Although, I did find it interesting that you were left out of the B1G-ACC challenge this year. Seems rather suspicious with an ACC coach scheduling the games doesn't it? Phil: Oh absolutely. That Cougars is a dirty cheating SOB. But he'll get his this year. The B1G is going to respond with a fury and I personally guarantee that we win the B1G-ACC challenge this year. Dick: Bold words...Obviously you can back them up, but the concern is whether or not the rest of your retarded conference can. Well I guess we're about ready to get started here. It looks like everyone has arrived and.... [All the lights turn off in the building. There is confusion as everyone in attendance tries to figure out what is going on. Suddenly a faint glow emerges from the middle of the roller rink. A dim spotlight shines down at a shadowy figure in a black-hooded robe. Fog machines continue to pump smoke around him in a mystical cloud of mystery. Who is this dark figure??? Then a faint sound of music starts up. It grows increasingly louder until everybody in the place can hear the music bumping.] [The shadowy figure emerges from the smoke and rips off the robe displaying the gold and black of Purdue. It is The Qwon! He has returned! The people's champion! The return of The Qwon is upon us! [The camera pans across the crowd to see their reaction. Most have gone back to the conversations while a couple gave a little head nod to recognize that The Qwon had returned. A few people yawned.] Dick: Well, that was anti-climatic so let's just go ahead and get to what you have all been waiting for. Now I finally convinced Commissioner Fuzzy to get me an assistant so that I don't have to work so hard. Everyone please welcome my new co-host who will be doing the award announcements.... Gloria Stits! Gloria: Great to join you Dick, I've always loved your work here at the Crushies. I'm just glad I could come help out here. We all know much Fuzzy rides Dick. He's always been pretty hard on him. So I'm just glad I could come in and take some of the load, so we will see if I can stay on top of things. With my introduction complete, we will hit a small recess for kicking off the awards.