ESPN | Postgame Slap Sends Coach Irish Over the Edge

Discussion in 'The Dirty Dozen' started by IrishBearcat, Nov 2, 2012.

  1. IrishBearcat

    IrishBearcat tFC OD Commissioner

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    Coach Irish's Postgame Meltdown Overshadows Victory
    __________________________________________________________________________________

    By IrishBearcat | ESPN.com

    [​IMG]

    Fast forward to the fourth quarter; down 21-24 the Hoyas were confidently within field goal range and had an opportunity to win the ball game. Coach Qwon's decision to yank incumbent starter Dan Jones after his 5th interception sparked an offense that had completely stalled in the second half. Freshman Keon Durbin entered the game and marched the offense right down the field. Having reached the redzone with :17 left in the ball contest it looked like Georgetown's miraculous comeback was secured.

    Durbin dropped back and fired a rocket down the middle of the field to what appeared to be a wide open receiver on a post pattern. Big Green linebacker Michael Beverly hustled down field and laid out for the game clinching interception. With all timeouts being exhausted and only :12 remaining it seemed the fireworks for this classic conference battle were finished.


    Not. Even. Close.


    The chaos of the final :12 turned the rest of the game into a major afterthought. The circus began as Coach Qwon slammed his headset on the ground and started walking across the field towards the Dartmouth sideline. A handful of players from the Dartmouth team had given Coach Irish the gatorade bath after the interception. Distracted by celebration with his team, Irish never saw the fuming coach coming. Qwon walked up to the side of the head coach, and as Irish turned his head Qwon forcefully slapped him across the face.

    Stunned, Coach Irish stood there speechless as he watched Coach Qwon turn around and began to head for the tunnel. A ref threw a flag across the field and called a personal foul penalty. The ref approached Qwon and threatened an ejection if he did not return to his sideline immediately. "Fuck you ref, fuck your calls, fuck this game," said Qwon, "you don't need to throw me out because I'm done with this game, I quit! I'm going to go do some curls and then fuck your mom!"

    After this exchange Qwon could be clearly seen mouthing something to Coach Irish:



    "Fuck you, fuck you." He proceeded to head into the tunnel and was true to his word. Qwon was later fined $15,200 for failing to disclose and document his one night stand with the referee's wife, but assured MAC Conference Commissioner Dylan he would have the paperwork to him later this coming week.

    After snapping out of a stunned trance and realizing what had just ensued, Coach Irish went sprinting towards the tunnel in an effort to chase down Qwon. Reporters and personel who were near the tunnel said echoes of things like "you fucking pussy!", "you have no friends!", "you are a seeping vagina and your shit stinks!", "go check back into your mental asylum cocksucker!", "scoreboard bitch!", "Here's my dallas address, get at me bro!", and many other disturbing "conversations" were easily audible.

    The scene, without surprise, spilled over into Coach Irish's press conference. Known for his short fuse and coming apart at the seams at times while speaking to the media. Without surprise Qwon had canceled his press conference, so the room was packed. A steaming Irish took the podium and just stared at his feet for a what felt like an eternity. Then, he looked up at the reporters and had nothing for them except for this memorable gesture:



    After slapping himself in the face and storming out of the room, it appeared the episode had finally come to an end. Unfortunately Irish still had some steam to blow off, and he returned. He burst through the doors 5 minutes later back into the room and told everybody to "sit down and shut the fuck up, RIGHT NOW!" Everyone obliged as he stomped back up to the stage. Irish leaned forward at the podium with both hands grasping the front corners of the desk just peering at the crowd. He raised his arm and pointed to the roof and said, "I want the MAC commissioner on the phone line right now, GET DYLAN ON THE SPEAKER SO EVERYBODY CAN HEAR THIS!"

    And then the unthinkable happened...

    Conference commissioner Dylan was pinged into the press conference and the following exchange was heard by the entire media: (FAST FOWARD TO :30 SECONDS)



    Coach Irish shoved the podium off the stage and ran out of the room with his hands in the air yelling "NOOOOOOOO!!!!" ... and that concluded the press conference.

    ESPN was able to secure a face to face interview with "The Qwon" the next day. New ESPN College Football Analyst Bobby Petrino conducted the interview. The transcript is below:

    [​IMG]

    Petrino: Thanks for being on with us today Qwon, the nation is on the edge of their seats waiting to hear your take on everything that occured on Saturday.

    Qwon: Oh I can only imagine, but I'm pretty sore from lifting and believe I pulled my groin last night at a friend's place so let's make this one quick Bob.

    Petrino: I guess my first question is pretty simple; why did you slap Coach Irish and then quit the game?

    Qwon: I dunno Bobby, why did you wreck my motercycle? You know I still haven't been compensated for the damages.

    Petrino: *Blushes and looks down quite embarrassed*

    Qwon: *Leans back and bellows out a laugh* - I'm just kidding Bob, I'll answer the question!

    Petrino: Thank you.

    Qwon: It's pretty simple actually. Obviously I was angry but who wouldn't be after my players packed it in and handed that poor excuse for a football team seven turnovers? I thought it would be hilarious to send Irish into a tirade and fuck that referee's mom. Sometimes I hate always being right. *Folds arms and smirks*

    Petrino: I see, but how... why did you think that was a good idea?

    Qwon: Have you seen that guy's wife?! Those tits are perfect and we could start a civilization on that ass! I would've been stupid not to go through with my good, no, GREAT idea!

    Petrino: Uhhh but that's not-

    Qwon: *Cutting off Petrino* Listen, I don't always win, but when I don't, I'm going to make the other coach look like a bigger dumbass. I want you to take a gooood look at me Bob.

    *Qwon leans foward towards Petrino*

    [​IMG]

    Qwon: Do I look stupid to you?

    Petrino: *Fumbling his words* Uh no I guess you don-

    Qwon: *Interrupting again* The media eats this shit up, I gave not only them, but also what you talking head folk want... what you guys THIRST for constantly.

    Petrino: *Turns to face the camera with a stunned look*

    Qwon: *Positions himself to face the camera as well*

    [​IMG]

    Qwon: ... Stay thirsty my friends...

    *Qwon gets up, and leaves the set and the interview reaches an abrupt conclusion.*
     
    Last edited: Nov 2, 2012
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  2. IrishBearcat

    IrishBearcat tFC OD Commissioner

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  3. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Lol, this is intense amount of work.
     
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  4. Dean Evans

    Dean Evans Run by Walmart and pick you up a personality!

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    WOW, somebody needs a hobby. This was about as intense as it gets.
     
  5. IrishBearcat

    IrishBearcat tFC OD Commissioner

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    LOL I was at work after taking three exams. I just sit at a computer for my part time job so I had 7 hours to kill. This took me about 45 minutes. I really enjoyed it. I'm aware not everyone thinks it's funny, but I think it's hilarious!
     
  6. Dean Evans

    Dean Evans Run by Walmart and pick you up a personality!

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    I enjoyed the humor as it was a good read man, good job.
     
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  7. IrishBearcat

    IrishBearcat tFC OD Commissioner

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    Appreciate the kind words from the member with the most wisdom!
     
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  8. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Who doesn't find it funny?
     
  9. IrishBearcat

    IrishBearcat tFC OD Commissioner

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    I guess that was explicitly stated but I'm not really concerned about that. It was more for myself, but glad a few derived some enjoyment from it. :)
     
  10. nikpin

    nikpin Universitas Brunensis

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    I enjoyed it.
     
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  11. Qwigly

    Qwigly Walk On

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    was good, looked like alot of work
     
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  12. xGRIDIRONxGURUx

    xGRIDIRONxGURUx GO DUCKS. WIN THE DAY.

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    I just now had a chance to really go through this and its pretty hilarious... seriously
     
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