Experts Say Bengals Draft a Bust

Discussion in 'Thread Archive' started by Any Given Saturday, Jan 19, 2013.

  1. Any Given Saturday

    Any Given Saturday Stix Newb

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    The Cincinnati Bengals have a long legacy of draft busts and poor management. For most fans, they thought that would all change this year with Coach Charles Fraley and his "take no prisoners" style of management and coaching. They were wrong... sort of.

    CBS Sports and ESPN Insiders Draft Experts rated the Bengals Draft a "bust" with an overall rating of C+, mostly due to reaches in the draft and a lack of quality selections because of the ill-timed MJD Debacle of 2012, which ranks third behind only the Ricky Williams marriage to Mike Ditka and the Herschel Walker trade that brought Big-D back to prominence. The MJD trade offered the CIncinnati Bengals a quality back with a 3 year life span for a mortgage on their youth for three years. Here is what little became of it.

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    Sean Hill #21 WR
    CINCINNATI BENGALS
    Ovr: 78 Height: 6' 2" Weight: 196LBS
    Born: Age: 20YRS
    College: Arkansas

    With 96 speed, 94 acceleration and 84 Catch, this 1st Round, 16th Pick overall burner and former Heisman Candidate looked like the logical choice to be a premier #2 to only the incomparable AJ Green. Wrong. With his 67 injury rating that is a result of an off-season injury that Hill did not disclose, the Wide Receiver is as Coach Fraley puts it, "All Vagina" and "The Walking Injured Reserve" who has yet to complete a game since entering the NFL.


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    Rannell Sharp #30 CB
    CINCINNATI BENGALS
    Ovr: 76 Height: 6' 1" Weight: 202LBS
    Born: Age: 20YRS
    College: Lindenwood
    Experience: 0 season

    The Bengals secondary looked like a re-union of Betty White's "Off Their Rockers" cast with eternal veteran Nate Clements (Buckeye, with much love) and Marcus Trufant, both 37 and 33 years of age respectively calling the shots for the Bengals Corners. By re-signing 26 year old Taylor Mays and drafting Rannell Sharp in the 2nd round, the Bengals attempted a youth movement with their D-Backs, and failed miserably. Sharp came into the combine with decent speed and size, but throughout training camp, the Bengals coaching staff became painfully aware that Sharpe, much like Betty White, has about as much swivel in his hips as a street light. To paraphrase Coach Fraley, Sharp "is a track star who is really good at running in a straight line for a very long time".


    In the third and fourth rounds, the Bengals were once again reminded of their "Commitment to Mediocrity" as a smiling Jones-Drew sat from his palace in Cincinnati watching the Bengals go back to back over two rounds of the draft without a pick.



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    Allen Whipkey #1 P
    CINCINNATI BENGALS
    Ovr: 79 Height: 5' 11" Weight: 186LBS
    Born: Age: 21YRS
    College: Lindenwood
    Experience: 0 season

    In the 5th round, the Bengals were finally back on the clock, and primed to give their rabid fans a bone and something to cheer for. With so many holes to fill, an aging line and secondary, an underachieving line-backing corps and a defensive line squad that was tired of being the only producers, the Bengals decided it was time to unleash their secret weapon and selected... Punter-Allen Whipkey.

    As Cris Collinsworth would say, "Well, that's the Bengals for you". To an almost unbearable eruption of "Boos" from the crowd, the Bengals went all in on a 21 year old Punter from little Lindenwood College. While the Bengals fandom may have been ready to take a long walk off the short Paul Brown Stadium's Party Deck, this pick while certainly a reach in the 5th round, was the one bright spot for the Bengals. Whipkey shined in Pre-Season, and led the FCS in Punt Average and Hang Time. With as many times a game the Bengals punt, he just might truly be a "secret weapon". But probably not...

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    Brent Stephens #81 WR
    CINCINNATI BENGALS
    Ovr: 73 Height: 6' 2" Weight: 199LBS
    Born: Age: 20YRS
    College: Central Arkansas
    Experience: 0 season

    In round 6, with all of the premier talent long gone and most of the plug and play options depleted the Bengals took a flier on a back-up plan for Sean Hill by continuing their "Much Love" to the small colleges campaign by drafting Brent Stephens - WR Central Arkansas. Standing at 6' 2" with 95 Speed and 90 Acceleration, Stephens impressed at the combine until someone actually threw him a football. His 74 Catch was painfully obvious in the pre-season where he led the Bengals in drops and off the field issues. It seems Mr. Stephens is determined to catch something, and it just might be Chlamydia, given his penchant for Strip Clubs and Prostitutes.

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    Duane Brown #34 HB
    CINCINNATI BENGALS
    Ovr: 67 Height: 5' 10" Weight: 201LBS
    Born: Age: 22YRS
    College: Towson State
    Experience: 0 season

    By round 7, Bengals Nation had all but given up, and the few who stayed only got to witness the Bengals brass' one last attempt to annoy MJD by drafting unheralded Duane Brown out of Towson State and then announced him as the Starter before he had even put on his Football Cap. Experts speculate it is only a humiliation ploy by the Bengals staff to discredit MJD before the season starts, in an ill-fated attempt to get the aging and maligned super-star to retire. So far, it hasn't worked since "Pocket Hercules" showed up for camp on time and has been following the off-season regimen. More to come as this story develops.
     
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  2. Black Republican

    Black Republican TMFL Commish -- **ISYMFS** --

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    Brown is a steal in the 7th round, I had him scouted.
     
  3. CTfromDC

    CTfromDC Where my money?

    Joined:
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    Fuc Experts, just sayin, they think they know every damn thing
     
  4. DirtSouthDan

    DirtSouthDan Walk On

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    Draft may have been a bust, but you did pick up the best rookie free agent in the waiver wire.
     
  5. Any Given Saturday

    Any Given Saturday Stix Newb

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    You know Quiet, I think you are right. Brown has really been productive in a small role for me thus far.

    DirtSouth Dan knows all about my boy at End. Best FA pick up ever! Dude was a 79 rookie End with 89 speed. Woo hoo hoo! Now, if I could only get to complete my game with Cougs. Our first attempt ended in a shutdown from "Desync Occuring" and then his power went out. I don't know how to get our game in if he is going to be able to play or reply. His power may still be out. Is there a league rule on this kind of thing? He and I were pretty close on the field. The first game he was up 4 due to an ill timed interception. In the second game I was up and trying to get more. Just sucks we couldn't get it finished.
     
  6. Any Given Saturday

    Any Given Saturday Stix Newb

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    Never mind. We played.
     
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2013

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