Freshmen Orientation

Discussion in 'The Dirty Dozen' started by JQwon13, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Dick: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, here we are back for another fun-filled, action-packed, torturous hell of a season through this craphole of a conference we refer to as the Ivy League. My name is Dick Harding and I'm here to help usher in the new freshman class here at Freshmen Orientation for the Ivy League. You kids will be hit with all kinds of information like the history of the league, the future of the league and your present standing in this league.

    [Dick walks across the stage up to the podium]

    Dick: Now I understand that some of you have family here, but your parents should probably leave at this time. Also for the black players that already have several illegitimate children here with you, please send them off with your baby mama's.

    [A large portion of the crowd starts to head out]

    Dick: Also Gyrene76 , I see you over to the left, if you could please put your shirt back on... even if it is Affliction. Oh and your dad can actually stay since he's also part of the league. Just messing with you Coach Dean Evans . I'm glad you're here... Now I'm not the only one that has hooked up with Gyrene's mom.

    But as much as Coach IrishBearcat likes the attention, this day is not about the coaches. It's about the young, impressionable minds that we have attending the fine Universities across this very prestigious conference. Like our trio of blue-chip quarterbacks here in attendance, Keon Durbin from Georgetown, Dan King from Brown and Taylor Wilkinson from Delaware. Hopefully these young men can help lead their respective teams both on and off the field. Now on the way in, you were all handed a brochure. Some of the older coaches can help explain this. And by old, I mean been in this league for years, not as in old for this earth like Coach Qwigly .

    In this brochure, there are a few helpful tips and bits of information. For example on page 1, it helps explain that nikpin 's offense more closely resembles cheddar than swiss or mozzarella which is a common misconception. However, make no doubt about it folks, it's some sort of cheese.

    Page 2 of the brochure will help go into detail about the true meaning of (y). You cannot be initiated into this league without knowing what the true meaning of that symbol is.

    Page 3 is merely a consent form. Please sign and drop off at the front. It simply states that you are relinquishing any hopes of keeping your soul after this league is done with you.

    But let's move past the boring stuff and into the history of the league. The original roots of this league goes back many years to the days when a small time strip club DJ in Oklahoma named DirtycashDylan put together a respectable group of coaches to start a league known as Hard4Yards. After a couple years, this league inducted a new member who's greatness is surpassed only by his ego, The Qwon! With this new found attitude, the league thrived off The Qwon's douchiness and soared to new heights, even jumping to a premier league last season. However, after losing his protege CoachRedd to the wrath of DirtyCash, Qwon's spirt was broken and he headed off down the lonely road and on to another dynasty known as The OC.

    The OC was good to The Qwon and he was good for the OC. It grew and became a top level league. That's when the idea came to The Qwon. He yearned to see his H4Y brethren again and so this year, a merger happened between the two leagues. The best of H4Y joined the best of The OC....too bad the best of the OC was a pocket full of retards like Kasper , BPHusker , Philstyle3005 , fuzzyl0gic and -Cougars- . This unholy union of leagues was named The Dirty Dozen and much like the U.S., we put a black man in charge in Steamer43 . It wasn't long before the sick and twisted nature of the H4Y veterans chased off those from The OC who only thought they were douchey enough to hang. This turnover has brought many of you to this league. And here we are.

    Now to explain how you are to behave yourselves in this league. When someone politely questions whether you are correct or not in regards to a situation, you do not calmly try to settle things. You yell, call names and swear. You do NOT listen to reason. That is not the Dirty Dozen way. As for sportsmanship, show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser. One of the proud mentors of this group that taught many of our coaches how to behave after a loss now coaches at Wyoming as seen here...




    Some catch on to things quicker than others. Coach xGRIDIRONxGURUx was on top of things from the start as quickly accused Coach Nikpin of cheese. Others like Coach TheeAmazingness , may take more time to become acclimated. He may best serve to take a coach like TheCrumbIsHere as a mentor who has learned that it is still ok to be intelligent in a league full of retards. Oh but I could ramble all day up here... So let's get down to the reason you are all here. I know so many of you young freshmen are hopeful to make Qwon's Ivy All-Freshmen team. So let's get started!

    Now of course there's no where better to start than with the man under center or in this league, usually in the shotgun. The Quarterback position brings forth a bevy of young talent this season, but three blue-chip recruits as mentioned earlier, stand out above the rest. Now for all categories, please remember that several things are taken into consideration. This is not simply based on the overall rating. It's a look at a player's particular set of skills and also his chances of playing and contributing this season.

    Our nominees for 1st team quarterback are Keon Durbin of Georgetown, Dan King of Brown and Taylor Wilkinson of Delaware. All three are very worthy of this selection. Durbin rated as a 78 overall boasts a 91 throw power and 86 accuracy and stands at 6'0, 216 lbs. He also expects substantial playing time as he actually has a better arm than the Hoyas starting QB.

    King is King according to coach Nikpin. Already anointing his new quarterback as the heir to Running Water's throne. Already a stocky 6'2, 224 lbs, King has the frame to take a few hits which is certainly a good thing behind a line that allowed 70 sacks last season. Rated an 80 overall he has 94 throw power and 87 accuracy and thanks to a promise from his coach, will not redshirt this season.

    Finally we move to the very speedy Taylor Wilkinson. A slight frame of 6'1, 197 lbs, Wilkinson is mobile. He has 90 speed and 91 acceleration. But make no mistake, he can throw as well with 80 speed and 86 throw accuracy to help make up his overall rating of 79. He may be the most complete of the three quarterbacks.

    But they're can be only one winner here. And the winner and first team All-Ivy quarterback is....


    Dan King of Brown!

    Congratulations son, looks like you're king after all. This was a very tough decision for the committee. Durbin looks to get the most playing time and Wilkinson looks like the best overall quarterback, but King's combination of skills and chance to play early won him this award. Tough break for Wilkinson, but he sits 3rd on his depth chart and will likely redshirt.

    On to the running game! Most teams around this league like to air it out, but you can't overlook the ground and pound. Our three nominees are Conrad Boyd of Penn, Ronald Sims of Georgetown and Sam Ross of Yale.

    Boyd is mainly a third wheel to this party. His 73 overall with 85 speed is hardly impressive. He also sits at 3rd on his depth chart. But his inclusion here should serve notice as to the lack of young talent at the running back position.

    Sims steps into the shoes of Dusty Morse. His 6'1, 196 lb frame comes along with 87 speed and 88 acceleration. His 82 break tackle helps him to a 79 overall rating. He is also the best receiver of the three and will start this year for Georgetown.

    Ross brings a different game to the table. His 6'0, 203 lb frame comes with 95 speed, 96 acceleration and 93 agility bringing him to a 79 overall. He's not the receiver that Sims is, nor does he have Sims ability to bust it up inside but he can certainly get to the edge.

    And the winner and 1st team All-Ivy running back is....


    Sam Ross of Yale!

    This one was a much easier decision. Ross' blend of pure speed with agility was too much to ignore. I'm sure Boyd and Sims will both be good backs, but Ross has the ability to be elite.

    While Ross won't be the receiver out of the backfield that Sims is, Sims won't be the receiver that these guys will be. We're moving on to our wide receiver position. The nominees are Isaiah Wilson of Yale, Cedric Penn and Jovon Jackson both from Brown and Chris Little of Georgetown. This will be a little different as we will take two receivers on the 1st-Team.

    At 6'3, 199 lbs, Wilson has hands like glue with 80 catching. That serves to compliment his 90 speed and 94 acceleration as well as 84 route running. He does a bit of everything and the Bulldogs will need him to as he is their #2 receiver this season.

    The Brown boys, and I don't mean that in a racist way, are very similar in skill set despite an obvious size difference. Jackson stands at 6'2, 205 lbs with 92 speed and 89 acceleration. He also sports 76 catching and 81 route running. The much smaller Penn, stands at 5'10, 183 lbs but makes up for it with 93 speed and 88 acceleration. He also has 78 catching and 81 route running.

    And then there's Little, who don't mistake his name to indicate his size. He's 6'3, 207 lbs with 93 speed and 93 acceleration. He also has 78 catching and 89 route running. Despite his big frame he mixes in 82 jumping as well.

    The winners and two players selected as first team All-Ivy at wide receiver are....


    Chris Little of Georgetown and Isaiah Wilson of Yale!


    It seems size does matter as the two 6'3 receivers win. Big congratulations to both of these young men. Little was an easy decision, but the committee took quite some time before deciding on Wilson over the two receivers from Brown.

    Moving on to the fellas that aren't quite as talented of receivers, but do add in their ability to block. I'm talking of course about our nominees for tight end...They are.... Eric Joseph of Bucknell, Matt Smith of Columbia and Brian Jones of Princeton.

    Joseph standing at 6'3, 239 lbs has a solid 78 speed for a tight end and 70 catching. He mixes in a 71 pass block and 68 run block to go with it and is a solid all around player as a 69 overall. He currently sits as the number two tight end on the roster.

    Smith will be the starter this year for Columbia. His 71 overall rating is a result of his 6'2, 239 lb frame with 76 speed and 71 route running. He needs to work on his hands as he has only a 60 catching. His pass blocking is a 69 and he has an impressive 77 for run blocking.

    Meanwhile Jones brings the greatest size to the part standing at 6'5, 258 lbs. He is a 66 overall but he is the superior receiver in the group. His blend of 81 speed an 84 acceleration are impressive for a guy his size. He also has outstanding hands with 80 catching and has a 75 route running as well. However, his blocking leaves much to be desired as he has 62 pass block and 61 run block.


    And the winner and 1st team All-Ivy tight end is....


    Brian Jones of Princeton!
    This was a tough decision for the committee. They really felt they should go with Smith's all around ability, but his bad hands really hurt him. And Jones' freakish athleticism with his size and receiving ability won out.​
    Now we move on to the big uglies. And no I'm not talking about Guru's ex girlfriends. I'm referring of course to the offensive line. Let's jump straight into this long list of nominees.... The nominees at tackle are... William Brown of Brown rated as a 78 overall, Jeremy Cunningham of Bucknell as a 75 overall and Cody Thomas of Harvard as a 72 overall. The nominees at guard are... Dominic Wood of Columbia at a 76 overall, Tony Skinner of Penn as a 68 overall and Robert Williams of Yale as a 77 overall. The two nominees at center are Anthony Brown of Bucknell as a 73 overall and Erik Robinson of Cornell as a 68 overall.​
    So many abilities you could look at but at the end, we took the biggest, the meanest and the ugliest. So your winners and first team All-Ivy Offensive line are....​
    William Brown of Brown, Jeremy Cunningham of Bucknell, Dominic Wood of Columbia, Robert Williams of Yale and Anthony Brown of Bucknell
    Now we're going to take a quick break so that you guys can go and meet some of the co-eds. Then we'll be back with the 1st-Team All-Ivy defense!​
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2012
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  2. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    Holy balls that must have taken a while JQwon13, thanks for the shout out. Nice content.
     
  3. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Haha thanks. I've been working on that since 8:00 this morning when I got into the office. And that's considering I did all the research yesterday. It definitely took more time than the Hardies/Crushies/Dirties. A lot more research involved.
     
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  4. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    That is awesome man. Thanks for the history lesson as well. Very nice
     
  5. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    It's so sad that it takes me like 3 hours to do it...and it takes yall like 3 minutes to read it lol
     
  6. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Bro, I know what you mean, but it was excellent. Seriously, first thing I've seen like this on hard4yards....ever
     
  7. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    this is terrible
     
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  8. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Clearly you missed The Hardies. It was an award show I did at the end of every season of Hard4Yards. When I went over to the OC, it became The Crushies and then here it's The Dirties. You can look them up...They're similar in length and style
     
  9. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Also...I'm good at the writing aspect of this. I'm pretty computer retarded so I don't know how to make it look pretty. So if someone could, once I release the winners at every position, create a prettier list of the All-Ivy Freshman team?
     
  10. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    I'll try and do that for you.
     
  11. Qwigly

    Qwigly Walk On

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    Very cool write up! perhaps someday Howard will be represented at a position...not holding my breath LOL
     
  12. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Yeah you better get on that recruiting trail.
     
  13. xGRIDIRONxGURUx

    xGRIDIRONxGURUx GO DUCKS. WIN THE DAY.

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    good write up... but i stopped reading after you didnt give to Wilinson...

    [​IMG]
     
  14. CoachRedd

    CoachRedd I come through in something real foolish

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    [​IMG]
     
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  15. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    He's your 3rd stringer and rated below Nik's guy who is his 2nd stringer.
     
  16. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Dick: And we are back. Hope everyone had a nice break. I apologize for the little disturbance on stage. Despite the fact that Full Moon Fever and recchem2000 are no longer part of this league, they keep coming back and trying to chime in. Worthless douches. But moving on to our first team All-Ivy defense. We'll start down in the trenches.

    We will be taking two defensive tackles along with two defensive ends. Our nominees at defensive tackle are... Nick Adams of Brown, Scott Washington of Dartmouth and Lou Stanley of Georgetown.

    Adams comes in at a stout 80 overall. At 6'6, 259 lbs, he definitely needs to hit the buffet line and put on some weight. But his 73 speed is aided by his thinner frame. And it doesn't seem to hurt his strength as he boasts an 85 in strength. All that to go along with his 83 power moves, 85 finesse and 82 block shedding.

    Now if you thought Adams was slight of frame, Scott Washington needs to eat the whole buffet. At 6'4, Washington weighs only 218 lbs! How is this guy a defensive tackle? Despite this, he rates at 76. He has just 67 speed but has 77 strength and 86 acceleration. He also has 78 power moves, 79 finesse and 82 block shedding.

    Finally a freshman with some meat on him, Stanley comes in at 6'4, 284 lbs. He's a 73 overall. He has just 64 speed but 78 strength. He also reps 79 power move, 78 finesse and 74 block shedding.

    The winners and selections for first team All-Ivy are....


    Nick Adams of Brown and Scott Washington of Dartmouth!


    This one was also tough for the committee as they had a hard time selecting a 218 lb defensive tackle, but despite how malnourished Washington was, he has the skills to back it up.

    Now moving on to the pass rushers. The guys who have the personal job of making opposing quarterbacks miserable. They love nothing more than coming up from behind on an unsuspecting victim much like DirtyCash on those poor girls with daddy issues he works with. Let's see if he can help us do a revue for these nominees at defensive end....They are.... Marvin Harper of Bucknell, Pedro Tyler of Princeton and Lonnie Norman of Georgetown.

    Harper is at a slight disadvantage when it comes to size as he is only 6'1, 234 lbs. However, his overall rating as a 79 is due to his tenacious pass rush of 85 power move and 86 finesse along with 83 block shedding. Mix in his 74 speed and 84 strength and he's trouble for any opposing lineman.

    Tyler has more the prototypical size at 6'5, 250 lbs. His 68 overall results from him being a solid all around player with 79 power move and 72 finesse along with 75 block shedding. His 69 speed and 73 strength cap it off.

    Norman is a 74 overall thanks to his 6'5, 246 lb frame and a great blend of speed at 79 and strength at 78. He has a great power move at 81, but his finesse is all the way down at 64. He compliments that with a 77 block shedding though.

    But you can choose only two... And the winners and first team All-Ivy selections at defensive end are....


    Marvin Harper of Bucknell and Lonnie Norman of Georgetown!
    Congrats to both of them. They would make a deadly tandem on the field. Now we move on to the big tackle guys. The linebackers. These guys control the flow of most defenses. They stop the run, they rush the quarterback, they drop back in coverage. A lot is asked of this position so let's take a look at the top guys.

    At outside linebacker, pickings were a little slim, but there were three nominees that stood out among the rest. They are... Marcus Hamilton of Georgetown, Tim Richardson of Cornell and Erik Joseph of Princeton.

    Hamilton comes in looking to rotate in at the position this season rated a 73 overall. His 75 speed and 86 acceleration make him adequate speed wise but he also has an 81 tackle and 80 hit power so this boy can bring the wood. Mix in his 77 power move and 78 finesse and he makes a solid pass rusher with 71 block shedding as well.

    Meanwhile Richardson rates as a 71 overall and brings a similar blend of speed, 73, and strength, 77, to go with his 80 tackle and 77 hit power. He also has 75 power move, 77 finesse and 70 block shedding.

    Joseph rates as a 69 but actually has 77 speed and 81 strength. His 77 tackle and 73 hit power keep in the game as do a nice 77 power and 76 finesse. However, he struggles to get off blocks as he rates at 65 block shedding.

    In the end, the winners and first team All-Ivy outside linebackers are...


    Marcus Hamilton of Georgetown and Tim Richardson of Cornell!
    Nice pair of guys on the outside, but let's take a look at who is going to penetrate the inside. The nominees are... Nathan Phillips of Delaware, Sean Suggs of Georgetown and Austin O'Brien of Penn. All three of these guys will start this season for their respective schools.​
    Phillips brings an impressive 82 speed and 88 acceleration to the table. His 71 tackle and 74 block shedding are both more than adequate. Not much in the form of power or finesse moves, with 65 and 64 respectively and also only 65 hit power.​
    Suggs comes in as a masher. His 75 speed isn't anything to get excited about but 86 acceleration, 82 tackle and 80 hit power are. He can also rush the passer with 76 power move, 77 finesse and 72 block shedding.​
    O'Brien brings some actual talent to a much maligned Quaker defense. His 77 speed and 90 acceleration will suffice but his 84 hit power, 83 play recognition and 80 block shedding will push him to the top.​
    And the winner and first team All-Ivy middle linebacker is.....​
    Austin O'Brien of Penn!

    Congrats to him. There was little doubt in the committees mind on this one as O'Brien was the clear cut best choice here.​
    Don't go anywhere fellas. We'll be right back to wrap things up with the secondary.​
     
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  17. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    What kind of a communist system is this? You put Steamer's G over my other G who is higher rated and the #4 guy?

    Good read.
     
  18. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Very nice...I actually made the board.
     
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  19. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Well, we're back and we're starting with the cornerbacks. Two teams had several guys get consideration as both Brown and Georgetown have 3 freshmen in the top 4 at the position. However, Yale landed a stud as well.

    The nominees for cornerback are.... Steven Mooney of Brown, James Gould of Georgetown and Ronald Russell of Yale.

    Mooney is the cream of the crop from an incredible group of young corners for Brown. His 92 speed and 90 acceleration helped lead to his 80 overall rating but it's his 89 man coverage and 88 zone coverage that really make him special.

    Gould follows in his older brothers footsteps and big brother Hunter Gould is a junior tight end for the Hoyas. The younger Gould might be the more talented though. His 94 speed and 92 acceleration certainly give him a step on just about anyone in this league. He's also no slouch with 83 man coverage, 85 zone and 81 press.

    Not to be outdone, Russell sports a 90 speed and 91 acceleration. His man coverage and zone coverage are both 87, but he's not a guy to be used in press coverage as he rates at 68 there.

    The winners and first team All-Ivy cornerbacks are....


    James Gould of Georgetown and Steven Mooney of Brown!
    That's a pair of islands that no quarterback wants to visit. But let's finish on the back end of things. The last line of defense. The safeties. A lot of talent at the position, but these weren't too close.​
    The nominees at free safety are.... Brad Hill of Georgetown, Antoine Bennet of Brown, Kenneth Mccoy of Dartmouth and Travis O'Donnell of Columbia.​
    The nominees at strong safety are.... Robert Young of Brown, Marcel Estes of Georgetown, Edward Wolfe of Delaware and Patrick Thurman of Penn.​
    And the winners are first team All-Ivy safeties are....​
    Travis O'Donnell of Columbia and Robert Young of Brown!
    This was most likely the most talented position of all as both safeties are uber studs.​
    I'd like to thank you all for being here. This has been an absurdly long Freshman Orientation and I'm out of here. Peace!​
     
  20. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Steamer's guy was the center. Your other guard was beat out by Columbia's guard.
     
  21. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Oh easily... That boy was a stud.
     
  22. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    He came out of nowhere. Only player worth anything on my D.
     
  23. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Sorry Qwigly , it would appear Howard and Harvard are the only ones with no players on the list.
     
  24. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Bummer, you'll get there Qwigs
     
  25. nikpin

    nikpin Universitas Brunensis

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    You should have just named my entire secondary to the all freshman team.
     

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