JQwon Story Time

Discussion in 'The Dirty Dozen' started by JQwon13, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    After the first edition of this, I kind of forgot about it due to work being busy. But here is the second edition of JQwon story time. I'd like to remind you all that these stories are all completely true. This one is one of the most ridiculous and sounds like it should have been in a movie, but I assure you, it is true.

    To start this story, let me give you a quick background. This occurred about 6 months ago as one of my friends from high school was getting married. I'm from the Dallas area, but he has since moved down to Austin which is where the wedding was held. Also, my buddy may be the biggest cockblock on the face of the earth. I went down to visit him at Texas A&M one weekend a couple years back and I ended up hooking up with the roommate of the woman that is now his wife despite him sending a text to me and her saying "Make good decisions". I almost made the decision to hit him in the face. That girl ended up being a bridesmaid and wasn't exactly my biggest fan after I ignored her after that weekend.

    So fast forward to the weekend of the wedding. My buddy who we will call "Trady" to protect his identity practically lived at my house during high school so he was also very close with my parents. So he invited them as well as me. I was happy my parents were going as they would pay for the hotel room and everything. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner, which my parents did not go to. They dropped me off at the church for the wedding rehearsal and went back to the hotel. Once there, myself and the rest of the single groomsmen and ushers targeted the hot females that were there. We quickly zeroed in on the hot chick that was reading scripture during the ceremony. (Sorry JoshuaAdams, I know I'm going to hell) Well it turns out that was Trady's cousin, not that it was going to stop me.

    After the rehearsal we head over to the rehearsal dinner and it is open bar. I begin throwing game at "hot cousin" before its time to take our seats. Then I started a drinking game at our table once everyone started making these speeches on the microphone. Every time someone said the grooms name, the guys drank. When someone said the brides name, girls drank. If someone said love or happiness, everyone drank. Side note here, I noticed a little girl around hot cousin quite a bit only to find out she is 29, been divorced a year and has a two year old daughter.

    Once done there, basically the entire wedding party headed to the bar, including the grooms parents and hot cousin. Once there I was able to open up my game a bit more despite being chastised multiple times by both Trady, his mom and his sister. I believe all of this just led to hot cousin wanting me more though. After once sneaking off to make out with hot cousin, everyone was hammered and ready to call it a night. We piled into different vehicles. I hopped into a taxi along with Trady, his mom and hot cousin on the way back to the hotel where all the family was staying. We get out of the taxi and Trady's mom, being very confused, asks "don't you need the taxi to get back to your hotel?" I replied with "No, I'll figure something out." And in an obvious and completely awkward way, slinked off with hot cousin to her room.

    Once in her room, I felt we were free because hot cousin's mom was taking care of the two year old daughter. We wasted no time once we got to her room and got straight to the unprotected pre-marrital sex while taking the Lord's name in vain...I'm so sorry Joshua... Well as fate would have it, they were staying in the room next door and the daughter had fallen off the bed and was crying. So the mom was texting hot cousin if she had made it back from the bar ok. Once we were done doing the nasty, hot cousin responded that she had made it back ok. Well as we lay there naked, I had no idea that the mom had a key to hot cousin's room. 30 seconds later, hot cousins mom knocks lately before opening the door. Thank God for that little latch on hotel room doors. However, here coming in sent both of us into a frenzy. As hot cousin jumped up and started throwing on clothes, I panicked. Being drunk, all I knew was the door was one way and I wanted to go the other.

    So I rather violently rolled and flung myself off the bed, going face first into the night stand. I didn't hit a corner or anything sharp, I hit the blunt edge of the top and I hit it hard enough to bust/gash my forehead open. So the current situation was now an extreme pain, blood running down my face, completely naked and trying to squirm my way under the hotel bed which proved impossible. After giving up on that, I grabbed my pants and dove into the bathroom. Everything turned out fine that night, but the next morning I returned to my parents hotel room to my mother's horror at the site of my head. It looked freaking awful. It was gashed open and stuck out about two inches from my head in a huge knot. Keep in mind that Friday night was only the rehearsal so the wedding was that day. By the end of the wedding reception, everyone there found out what happened, including my father. Luckily my mom was the one person kept out of the loop. But it was not an easy story to hide considering my head. I told her I was really drunk and ran into a door.

    Epilogue: The night after the wedding, I went back and banged the hot cousin again. Boom!
     
  2. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Tune in next week for the Spidey story!
     
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  3. Full Moon Fever

    Full Moon Fever Champion of Standards

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  4. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    You shoulda invited the mom to join in.
     
  5. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    I'm debating whether or not to do a DirtyDylan story time.
     
  6. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    that would've been interesting to say the least...

    couldn't agree more :p
     
  7. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    No one wants to hear about which male revue guy blew you in the Ihop parking lot...
     
  8. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    so really, what do you do Dylan...

    i'm guessing the male revue is a spin-off of your real job
     
  9. Full Moon Fever

    Full Moon Fever Champion of Standards

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    He's a dj at a stripclub in Oklahoma who made the mistake of complaining on here that he was going to have to work a shift where his stripclub was hosting a "male revue."
     
  10. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    haha, oh crap.

    That's funny
     
  11. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Also included was a story about a stripper blowing him in an Ihop parking lot... As a forum, we decided that said stripper was in fact male
     
  12. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    so was it the same night as the revue?

    an important detail to the puzzling together of the enigma that surrounds Dylan's sexual preference and socioeconomic status
     
  13. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    oh yeah, one more thing...

    WHY DOES MY TEAM SUCK SO FREAKING BAD! :eek:

    Was I invited as a joke? You all are like, lets see how long this guy will last with MTSU's community college. Seriously, whats the betting lines? Pay pal, is that what is being used?
     
  14. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    To be fair, MTSU won the conference the first year before that guy quit...All our teams suck
     
  15. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    i know bro, just kidding
     
  16. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    Actually, she is just a customer. a customer that gets off on coming up to the club and hanging out in the DJ booth and jerking my dick off while it's busy.

    I bailed on this last club and will be moving down to Dallas here in a few weeks. There won't be any male revues in Dallas as Dallas is a big enough city to have clubs dedicated to that (No, I won't be working in those clubs. thanks)
     
  17. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Hahah, damn. You beat me to the joke. That's awesome that you're moving to Dallas tho. We'll have to hit the town
     
  18. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    For sure. You'll have to come by my place to play our game in the next season or two.
     
  19. Full Moon Fever

    Full Moon Fever Champion of Standards

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    So is that going to be 3 or 4 of us that are in DFW now? Me, Jqwon, Nik (I think), and you?
     
  20. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Yeah, plus Snoopy is from here so he's here quite often when he's home from school. We should do a H4Y night... Booze and trash talk... Good recipe for fun
     
  21. DirtycashDylan

    DirtycashDylan I came here to scheme and chew bubblegum...

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    I knew you were in TX but I didn't realize you were in/near the Metroplex. We'll have to get all of us together and have a drunken NCAA tourney.
     
  22. Full Moon Fever

    Full Moon Fever Champion of Standards

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    Yeah I'm in Frisco now.
     
  23. johngalt11

    johngalt11 Walk On

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    Thats cool that you guys are all from the same area. I have been to Dallas likw 5 times for work. I used to do promotions for marketing company so we would to a lot of shit there. One time I drove a truck with this other dude from michigan there. Took about 24 hours stright because there was a governor on it of 63. But Dallas is fun as shit, having worked all over the country it is for sure in my top 5. Lots of hot girls and most people are pretty cool. One time we did a job during the Plano hot balloon festival it was kinda cool.
     
  24. Bl0ndeRedHead

    Bl0ndeRedHead Official TSO Pothead

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    Great story. I could probably pull off one of these threads as well, but mine would lean more toward stoner high jinks and tomfoolery than shameless sexcapades
     
  25. Full Moon Fever

    Full Moon Fever Champion of Standards

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    One time at church camp, we skipped the evening worship and played spades in the dorm. Our youth pastor found out and told us he was disappointed in us. We felt bad.
     

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