Now in a continued effort to help everyone get to know each other, I'm bringing back an old feature of mine called "JQwon's Story Time". This will help some of you guys that don't know me, get a better idea of my douchebaggery and shenannigans. Now since this is one of my favorite stories, I'm rehashing it... Some of the old H4Y guys have already read it, but it's a fun read. In order to satisfy those who have already read this one, I'll add a short story in my next post that will be new. The Austin Wedding Story To start this story, let me give you a quick background. This occurred about 6 months ago as one of my friends from high school was getting married. I'm from the Dallas area, but he has since moved down to Austin which is where the wedding was held. Also, my buddy may be the biggest cockblock on the face of the earth. I went down to visit him at Texas A&M one weekend a couple years back and I ended up hooking up with the roommate of the woman that is now his wife despite him sending a text to me and her saying "Make good decisions". I almost made the decision to hit him in the face. That girl ended up being a bridesmaid and wasn't exactly my biggest fan after I ignored her after that weekend. So fast forward to the weekend of the wedding. My buddy who we will call "Trady" to protect his identity practically lived at my house during high school so he was also very close with my parents. So he invited them as well as me. I was happy my parents were going as they would pay for the hotel room and everything. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner, which my parents did not go to. They dropped me off at the church for the wedding rehearsal and went back to the hotel. Once there, myself and the rest of the single groomsmen and ushers targeted the hot females that were there. We quickly zeroed in on the hot chick that was reading scripture during the ceremony. Well it turns out that was Trady's cousin, not that it was going to stop me. After the rehearsal we head over to the rehearsal dinner and it is open bar. I begin throwing game at "hot cousin" before its time to take our seats. Then I started a drinking game at our table once everyone started making these speeches on the microphone. Every time someone said the grooms name, the guys drank. When someone said the brides name, girls drank. If someone said love or happiness, everyone drank. Side note here, I noticed a little girl around hot cousin quite a bit only to find out she is 29, been divorced a year and has a two year old daughter. Once done there, basically the entire wedding party headed to the bar, including the grooms parents and hot cousin. Once there I was able to open up my game a bit more despite being chastised multiple times by both Trady, his mom and his sister. I believe all of this just led to hot cousin wanting me more though. After once sneaking off to make out with hot cousin, everyone was hammered and ready to call it a night. We piled into different vehicles. I hopped into a taxi along with Trady, his mom and hot cousin on the way back to the hotel where all the family was staying. We get out of the taxi and Trady's mom, being very confused, asks "don't you need the taxi to get back to your hotel?" I replied with "No, I'll figure something out." And in an obvious and completely awkward way, slinked off with hot cousin to her room. Once in her room, I felt we were free because hot cousin's mom was taking care of the two year old daughter. We wasted no time once we got to her room and got straight to the unprotected pre-marrital sex while taking the Lord's name in vain...I'm so sorry Joshua... Well as fate would have it, they were staying in the room next door and the daughter had fallen off the bed and was crying. So the mom was texting hot cousin if she had made it back from the bar ok. Once we were done doing the nasty, hot cousin responded that she had made it back ok. Well as we lay there naked, I had no idea that the mom had a key to hot cousin's room. 30 seconds later, hot cousins mom knocks lightly before opening the door. Thank God for that little latch on hotel room doors. However, her coming in sent both of us into a frenzy. As hot cousin jumped up and started throwing on clothes, I panicked. Being drunk, all I knew was the door was one way and I wanted to go the other. So I rather violently rolled and flung myself off the bed, going face first into the night stand. I didn't hit a corner or anything sharp, I hit the blunt edge of the top and I hit it hard enough to bust/gash my forehead open. So the current situation was now an extreme pain, blood running down my face, completely naked and trying to squirm my way under the hotel bed which proved impossible. After giving up on that, I grabbed my pants and dove into the bathroom. Hot Cousin's mom asked if someone was in the room, hot cousin lied of course, took the daughter and said goodbye. So now the hot cousin ended up sleeping on one bed with her daughter as I crashed on the other bed. Everything turned out fine that night, but the next morning I returned to my parents hotel room to my mother's horror at the site of my head. It looked freaking awful. It was gashed open and stuck out about two inches from my head in a huge knot. Keep in mind that Friday night was only the rehearsal so the wedding was that day. By the end of the wedding reception, everyone there found out what happened, including my father. Luckily my mom was the one person kept out of the loop. But it was not an easy story to hide considering my head. I told her I was really drunk and ran into a door. Epilogue: The night after the wedding, I went back and banged the hot cousin again. Boom!