JQwon's Story Time!

Discussion in 'Thread Archive' started by JQwon13, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Now in a continued effort to help everyone get to know each other, I'm bringing back an old feature of mine called "JQwon's Story Time". This will help some of you guys that don't know me, get a better idea of my douchebaggery and shenannigans. Now since this is one of my favorite stories, I'm rehashing it... Some of the old H4Y guys have already read it, but it's a fun read. In order to satisfy those who have already read this one, I'll add a short story in my next post that will be new.

    The Austin Wedding Story

    To start this story, let me give you a quick background. This occurred about 6 months ago as one of my friends from high school was getting married. I'm from the Dallas area, but he has since moved down to Austin which is where the wedding was held. Also, my buddy may be the biggest cockblock on the face of the earth. I went down to visit him at Texas A&M one weekend a couple years back and I ended up hooking up with the roommate of the woman that is now his wife despite him sending a text to me and her saying "Make good decisions". I almost made the decision to hit him in the face. That girl ended up being a bridesmaid and wasn't exactly my biggest fan after I ignored her after that weekend.

    So fast forward to the weekend of the wedding. My buddy who we will call "Trady" to protect his identity practically lived at my house during high school so he was also very close with my parents. So he invited them as well as me. I was happy my parents were going as they would pay for the hotel room and everything. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner, which my parents did not go to. They dropped me off at the church for the wedding rehearsal and went back to the hotel. Once there, myself and the rest of the single groomsmen and ushers targeted the hot females that were there. We quickly zeroed in on the hot chick that was reading scripture during the ceremony. Well it turns out that was Trady's cousin, not that it was going to stop me.

    After the rehearsal we head over to the rehearsal dinner and it is open bar. I begin throwing game at "hot cousin" before its time to take our seats. Then I started a drinking game at our table once everyone started making these speeches on the microphone. Every time someone said the grooms name, the guys drank. When someone said the brides name, girls drank. If someone said love or happiness, everyone drank. Side note here, I noticed a little girl around hot cousin quite a bit only to find out she is 29, been divorced a year and has a two year old daughter.

    Once done there, basically the entire wedding party headed to the bar, including the grooms parents and hot cousin. Once there I was able to open up my game a bit more despite being chastised multiple times by both Trady, his mom and his sister. I believe all of this just led to hot cousin wanting me more though. After once sneaking off to make out with hot cousin, everyone was hammered and ready to call it a night. We piled into different vehicles. I hopped into a taxi along with Trady, his mom and hot cousin on the way back to the hotel where all the family was staying. We get out of the taxi and Trady's mom, being very confused, asks "don't you need the taxi to get back to your hotel?" I replied with "No, I'll figure something out." And in an obvious and completely awkward way, slinked off with hot cousin to her room.

    Once in her room, I felt we were free because hot cousin's mom was taking care of the two year old daughter. We wasted no time once we got to her room and got straight to the unprotected pre-marrital sex while taking the Lord's name in vain...I'm so sorry Joshua... Well as fate would have it, they were staying in the room next door and the daughter had fallen off the bed and was crying. So the mom was texting hot cousin if she had made it back from the bar ok. Once we were done doing the nasty, hot cousin responded that she had made it back ok. Well as we lay there naked, I had no idea that the mom had a key to hot cousin's room. 30 seconds later, hot cousins mom knocks lightly before opening the door. Thank God for that little latch on hotel room doors. However, her coming in sent both of us into a frenzy. As hot cousin jumped up and started throwing on clothes, I panicked. Being drunk, all I knew was the door was one way and I wanted to go the other.

    So I rather violently rolled and flung myself off the bed, going face first into the night stand. I didn't hit a corner or anything sharp, I hit the blunt edge of the top and I hit it hard enough to bust/gash my forehead open. So the current situation was now an extreme pain, blood running down my face, completely naked and trying to squirm my way under the hotel bed which proved impossible. After giving up on that, I grabbed my pants and dove into the bathroom. Hot Cousin's mom asked if someone was in the room, hot cousin lied of course, took the daughter and said goodbye. So now the hot cousin ended up sleeping on one bed with her daughter as I crashed on the other bed. Everything turned out fine that night, but the next morning I returned to my parents hotel room to my mother's horror at the site of my head. It looked freaking awful. It was gashed open and stuck out about two inches from my head in a huge knot. Keep in mind that Friday night was only the rehearsal so the wedding was that day. By the end of the wedding reception, everyone there found out what happened, including my father. Luckily my mom was the one person kept out of the loop. But it was not an easy story to hide considering my head. I told her I was really drunk and ran into a door.

    Epilogue: The night after the wedding, I went back and banged the hot cousin again. Boom!
     
  2. YaBoiPatza

    YaBoiPatza Walk On

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    Cool Story bro.

    A few things, tho:

    - Raw sex with a random?? Good call
    - Cockblocking homeboys are the fucking worst. I stay away from them
    - Hotel beds are IMPOSSIBLE to slide under.. Due to that fucking wood bar. Dont ask me how I know.
     
  3. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Alright, this short story is gonna be just that...short. It's barely even a story, but it's one of Nik's favorite moments of me. After telling Nik about this, even he was a little bit appalled. Which if you knew us in real life, I'm the lesser of two evils. Also, as a background to this, you need to know that my parents, especially my mom, are very religious and my mom is not exactly a very fun person.

    So throughout my last couple years at OU, I had been dating a girl. We met while she had a boyfriend, but we didn't hook up or anything. (Mainly cuz I got arrested that night...but that's a story for another time)

    We dated for a couple years on and off...It was a rather volatile relationship and we definitely had some good fights. There was the time she was drunk and fighting with me for no reason so I threw a cup of water in her face. The time that she pissed me off so I texted another girl that I had previously dated, which the girl texted me back when she was playing with my phone of course. Phone was thrown at me and she stormed out.

    But anyway, I digress... So throughout our off and on relationship, she had somewhat kept contact with her ex. She kept him on the backburner the whole time. It had become a serious issue and I thought it was over with. So I graduate from OU and we're doing the long distance thing. She comes down to visit a few months after I graduated, and I was living with my parents at the time. So one morning, my parents were cooking a nice big breakfast of bacon, eggs and pancakes. I had been in the shower but got out and apparently surprised my girl cuz she was on her laptop in the guest room and couldn't hide quickly enough the messages on facebook she had been exchanging with her ex. Now I was angry... I yelled and we fought and fought. Finally my parents yell upstairs that breakfast is ready. We begrudgingly head downstairs, but I'm not quite done yet. We sit down at the table as my parents finish pouring orange juice and such. By now it's obvious that we are not happy so finally my mom asks, "You two don't seem happy, what's wrong?" So I responded, "Well she's been talking to her ex again." To this my ex-gf looked at me in shock that I would just say that. With her guard down, I went for the knockout punch and said, "What? I didn't want to be the only one that knew you were a whore."

    My dad being the sensible man that he is, left the room. My mom just stood there in shock. And my ex got up and went upstairs and started packing. My mom made some comment about how that was over the line and then she left the room as well.... Everyone had left but me. So you know what I did? I sat there and ate my mother fucking breakfast. And it was delicious. After I finished, I went and apologized like a little bitch and convinced her not to leave...Shortly there after, that relationship died as it should have but not without me banging her a few more times whenever i was back up in town in Oklahoma.
     
  4. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Raw dog is the only way to go.
    Agreed.
    And this brings me to my next point...I hope everyone enjoyed the stories, but now it's your turn. If you've got an interesting story, now is the time to share it. The more ridiculous, the better...
     
  5. Bl0ndeRedHead

    Bl0ndeRedHead Official TSO Pothead

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    I will share a story later tonight
     
  6. CoachRedd

    CoachRedd I come through in something real foolish

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    we know we know... you fucked Ms. New Mexico and got Herpes.
     
  7. Bl0ndeRedHead

    Bl0ndeRedHead Official TSO Pothead

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    Alright, so this is a story about my first (and only) foray into the world of public sex and prostitution.

    A couple years back, my house got broken into and I had quite a bit of marijuana stolen from my room (my roommate had his AR-15 stolen, and all of our electronics were taken). This meant I couldn't make my money back and pay the rent. I'm from Philly, and was living with 2 kids from Jersey who had migrated out to Arizona to go to ASU. One of them, Taylor, was a complete douche in the bad way (Redd). The other, Emile, was a complete douche in a good way (Qwon). He decided to lend me $200 so I could make my rent payment. A few weeks later, when I went to him with the $200 to pay him back, he offered me this proposal: you can either give me the $200 and we're even, or we can take that $200 and go to an Asian massage parlor and get some handjobs for the both of us, my treat.

    Obviously, I had to go with the latter, because either way I was giving up the $200, and why pass up on a life experience like this? So over the course of the next couple days, we start doing some research: perusing the New Times ads for massage parlors, looking up places on the internet, calling parlors to see if we could use codewords or anything that would let us know there were happy endings involved. After almost a week of finding out NOTHING, we decided "fuck it" and jumped in the car around 10p and set out to find a massage parlor the old fashioned way. The first one we drove by seemed too fancy...new building, signs everywhere advertising massages, bright lights in the windows...no way they give happy endings.

    Then, there it was. We drove by a small plaza where NONE of the suites were occupied by a business except one: a massage parlor that simply had ASIAN MASSAGE written on the front door. Blinds covered all the windows, it looked closed because no lights were lit anywhere near the place. We parked several suites down so nobody would know the debauchery we were getting into. Upon entrance, it was set up like some sort of geisha pawn shop. To the left was a teller's window, similar to a toll-booth window, except it had iron bars covering it. There was a single couch, with a small coffee table and asian magazines in front of the booth, a tiny fountain with a geisha painting behind it, and a sign that read "15 min - $45, 30 min - $60, 1 hr - $100" was hanging from a door that looked padlocked near the window booth. We rang the little bell, and a slot opened in the window. A mid-40s HISPANIC woman opened it, saw 2 teenagers, and within a minute we could here about 8 padlocks being unlocked at the door leading to the back. Out step 2 old mexican women (both overweight and not good looking) in the lobby with us, asking us questions and what kind of massage we wanted, the 15, 30, or 60 minute. I was already feeling a little weirded out by 2 mexicans in an Asian massage parlor, but my buddy leaned over and said "I call that one". So back he went, and I was left alone with the other one, who instructed me to go to "Room 3" and that'd she meet me in 5.

    Once I entered the room, which was very dimly lit and had a sole massage table in the middle, with a huge bottle of lube on a stand next to it, she poked her head in and said take off your clothes. Since I had never had a proper massage in my life, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to get completely naked, or keep my boxer briefs on. I debated this for several minutes, and just as I decided "fuck it I'll get naked" and layed down on the table, she entered.

    Once I layed down, she asked me "so you know what goes on here, right?" Of course I had no clue, but responded "yup." She asked what I wanted, I replied with asking how much for what. $50 for a handy, $75 for a handy with her top off, $100 for a blowjob, and $150 for everything is what she relayed to me, using hand signals (seriously, she motioned jacking off, putting a dick in her mouth, etc. without ever saying anything except the dollar amount). I decided to just get the regular old handy and pocket the other $50. She then proceeds to give me a 15 second massage before telling me to roll over, and commenting "wow it is true what they say about you tall guys". I couldn't make eye contact with her this whole time, she was a 2.5/10 TOPS. I was already regretting it when she started pumping the lube into her hand. She literally squirted out TEN pumps of lube into her hand before she touched my penis. It didn't even feel like a hand was touching my dick there was so much lube. All I could hear was the squishy noises of her hand stroking me, and the elevator music playing in the background. I wasn't getting hard, at all. She was TERRIBLE at giving handjobs, clumsy as could be and too much lube. After about 5 minutes of her trying to get me up and my staring at the ceiling, she asks "Is it because I'm ugly?" I didn't know what to say, I felt like an asshole. "No no no, I'm just nervous, never done this before." But after another minute without getting hard, she said "Is this gonna happen?" To which I responded "I don't think so, sorry." She took my $50, left the room, and I didn't even get to cum.

    I walk out in to the lobby, and there's my roommate, HUGE grin on his face. "Dude, I'm coming back next week."
     
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  8. SDMDTSU

    SDMDTSU Walk On

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    That is all I read so far and it's already started awesome...lol
     
  9. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    You have left me speechless...I can't even come up with a witty retort for all of this... But just to be clear, are you saying that this was Ms. New Mexico that gave you the handy? ;)
     
  10. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    You tell a good story. As soon as you mentioned all the lube, I felt your pain. I hate too much lube.
     
  11. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    I don't feel like my stories could hold up to these; not to mention, all my best stories are fragmented memories.
     
  12. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    For the parts you can't remember, you just make shit up... That being said, my entire story was actually true.

    It's a bout time YaBoiPatza came and shared a story...
     
  13. YaBoiPatza

    YaBoiPatza Walk On

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    Guess since I aint doing shit, Ill contribute to storytime..

    This happened years ago, but still one of the more entertaining events that has happened to me (Ive had a LOT of shit happen like this though but this is the most recent.) It wasnt funny at the time, and I was kinda fucked up about it for a long time afterwards, but its actually a really funny story to tell.

    Theres this chick I used to freak out named Tiffany (Name has been changed because I cant remember it, to be honest....) Tiffany was a sexy lil freak, too. I forget where I met her, but I remember she was always down for whatever: Fucking in the park, at her friends house.. It was whatever wit her. To me, she was just a lil jumpoff to call when I got drunk/horny. I never even had her number stored in my phone, I just knew her number when I saw it.

    I had a homeboy that wanted to get in on the action, so I asked Tiffany if she had a friend for my homeboy. (I was planning on trying to get some type of orgy action going with her friend.) So we all got together at a bar and she had this sexy friend with her. She was petite and quiet and I could tell she wasnt really into the freaky shit like her friend, tho. My homeboy is kind of a sleazeball, so he went right at her. He was so aggressive, I think he turned her off. So she told Tiffany she was ready to go. I ended up getting back up with Tiffany that night and beating her out in the back seat of her car.

    Fast forward a few weeks, and we get hit with a bad set of storms that cause major power outages throughout the city. Its about 11pm and I had just dropped this other chick off at home when my phone rang. It was Bandy, Tiffany's friend from the bar (cant remember her name, either). She called and told me she got my number out of Tiffany's phone and she was digging me and wanted me to come over to her place. She said she stayed with her parents, but they both worked for the power company and would be out all night. At first, im thinking its a set up.. Then the more I think about it, I really didnt care about Tiffany that much to give a shit bout going to see her friend.. and besides, knowing Tiffany, it might be some 3way action.

    I asked her to come pick me up if she's serious and she was like cool. We get to her house and we get to it. Im fully expecting Tiffany to pop out and "surprise" me at any moment, but there was no sign of her. My thoughts of Brandy being a little church girl were confirmed by the time i got in there. She was tight as shit.. damn near virgin status. By the time I really get in, I see some lights from outside. She jumps up, looks out the window and says its her mom! Im like SHIT! And I started scrambling to put my pants back on and she is freaking out. She told me to get in the closet and she'll be back to get me when her mom goes to sleep, which wont be long. So I go into this small ass closet and squat down and wait. (Mind you, im 6'2 and not a small guy so it was hot as shit as "snug" to say the least.)

    I was in there so long, my phone died, but I know I had to be in there over 2, 3 hours. I was sweating my ass off and wanted to be like "Fuck it", but I aint want to get shot by her dad or someone or get arrested. She finally came to the door and was like be quiet her mom is still awake and im like cool. She pointed to a room and Im thinking she said to go in there, but she was saying "My moms in there." I went in that room and her mom was in the bed in here nightgown, she saw me and screamed to the top of her lungs! The jig was up. She had to explain to her mom who I was and why I was there. Her mom wouldnt let her take me home, so I had to walk.. It was a good 20 min DRIVE from my house, too.

    Im walking thinking how fucked up the situation was and how it couldve been worse had it been her pops. So Im walking in the dark streets, got lost, got chased by a dog, and I thought for sure her mom was gonna send the police looking for me. I turned on my phone and thankfully had enough juice to text one of my friends that lived close by and tell him to meet me at a nearby store to take me home, which he did. I finally got home about 5am.

    The next day, I got a call from Tiffany saying she heard what happened with Brandy from her mom, who called Tiffany's mom and told her. She was like "Thats what your ass get!", but we laughed it off. I also got a call from Brandy. She was telling me how her dad came home and her mom told him everything and they kicked her out the house. She was telling me how she had all her stuff in her car driving around trying to find somewhere to go. She said if she couldnt find anywhere, she was going to go to her cousins house in Montgomery, AL which is an hour away. In my mind im like I HOPE she aint think she could come stay with me... NOPE!

    I never heard from Brandy again... I ended up banging Tiffany a couple more times, but that fizzled out too.

    As you probably can tell from reading this...... I really wasnt shit back in my day.
     
  14. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Damn son, I've gotta be honest, I probably would have stayed my ass in the closet too. Of course I also probably would have been a little more careful about where i went when that girl let me out... Also, you seem a bit hood....
     
  15. YaBoiPatza

    YaBoiPatza Walk On

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    lol @ "a bit hood"..

    When she let me out, I walked in the direction of my friends' house or what I thought was the direction of my friends house, thats how I got lost.
     
  16. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    No I meant I wouldn't have been walking into rooms if I wasn't sure...
     
  17. YaBoiPatza

    YaBoiPatza Walk On

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    Ooh. Well yea.. In hindsight, I prolly shoulda just drove over there and made a run for it when her mom came home
     
  18. Iron Mickey

    Iron Mickey I'd take her out for some casadias

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    Great read and thread.

    One question...did you

    [​IMG]

    Her?
     
  19. Bl0ndeRedHead

    Bl0ndeRedHead Official TSO Pothead

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    Shoulda banged the mom
     
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  20. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    I can't tell if that's motor boat or go down on her... But if it's the latter, then yes I believe so...Also tossed in a little ass play just to spice it up. Not only did she enjoy that, but she acting like it was a revelation that someone "my age" would be sexually wise enough to do so.... I found it funny that she kept acting like I was 10 years younger than her rather than just 4. But regardless, it was my first time to bang a mom. I've hit plenty of fun accomplishments, milf, 3-some, roommates, even a half black chick. But the one that has alluded me is the asian. Still need to slay one of those....
     
  21. Iron Mickey

    Iron Mickey I'd take her out for some casadias

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    Yeah I was going for the later. But both is of course a +
     
  22. Iron Mickey

    Iron Mickey I'd take her out for some casadias

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    I think pictures should be mandatory for this thread.

    Just putting that one out there..... :)
     
  23. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    [​IMG]

    Obviously not the easiest pic to tell, but that's her with her daughter... I never exactly called her after that weekend so she got pissed and deleted me on facebook. I'm looking through my buddy's wedding pics but since she was only a scripture reader and not in the actual wedding party, I haven't found her yet. I'll keep digging tho.
     
  24. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    There ya go. I forgot to reply to you so you would get the alert.
     
  25. Bl0ndeRedHead

    Bl0ndeRedHead Official TSO Pothead

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    That daughter is hot
     

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