Off The Beaten Path - Episode IDGAF

Discussion in 'TMFL' started by MartyWebb, Nov 7, 2012.

  1. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

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    Off the Beaten Path
    Episode IDGAF


    Hey everyone! Welcome to this year's edition of Off the Beaten Path. Wow, look how for we've made it, huh? Season 5, our Prestige ratings climbi.......oh, this isn't PFP? Shit. I must've taken a wrong turn. Do any of those guys know what the hell OTBP is? Fuck it.

    Hi TMFL. I guess you guys deserve some content huh? I mean, 32 User Teams? That's nuts? If you weren't all too busy raping the waiver wire (@LSUTruth) or constantly trying to bend Shaun's arm into shortening the quarters (IT'S A DEAD HORSE AT THIS POINT,) then maybe we'd have some more to read right? Hell, even Kasper and I Peench are silly enough to make up stories about made up people. So I guess that's as good of a place to start as any, huh?

    KasperDrool.jpg

    So we're led to believe a few things here. That one, obviously TEClemson53 is better at making graphics then he is at oversigning 40-year old quarterbacks. Two, that Leroy Johnson is going to be worth a damn? Man, he really tore up that Southeastern Alabama State College defense! Unwritten fact, one of those defenders suffers from PTSD and the other, when not playing football, works the night shift as a crossdresser named Pheobe. THREE, and possibly most important!! Those scouts drooling actually was a result of an extremely spicy $2 hot dog from the concessions, because, let's face it Kasper, HE'S FUGGGINNN FAKE.

    PROSPECT TO WATCH!?!#!#!??
    Tight End Lawrence Wesley, out of Ohio State University

    Let me start by saying it's not THE Ohio State University, because there isn't any other Ohio State actually attempting to steal that title, get real Buckeyes. As far as his measurables? Well, I didn't scout that piece of shit, because I know he'll get drafted 15 spots too high on account that %35 of this league is Ohio State fans, and there is nothing they do better than overrate their players. He is majoring in international affairs though, so that's neat.

    PROJECTED PICK : Way too fuckin high.

    The only thing worse than real life Charles Davis, is fake Charles Davis. Great pick I Peench. We're led to believe that a linebacker out of Navy, Corey Boals to be exact, is one of the best players in the draft? The only thing more irritaboal(see what I did there) than that pipe dream is that Texas A&M has another one of the best quarterbacks in the country. I'm sure sawemoff would agree, but this is also the same program that coveted free agent quarterback Stephen McGee hails from. Doubt it.

    Moving on...

    Not taking account at all on how many games they've played, because that's too much work, and this is about put together as well as any of @Bondzai's offensive possessions...

    Matthew Stafford currently holds the lead, among starting quarterbacks, for longest Average Yards Per Attempt. Sitting at 11.8, he's a full .6 ahead of Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. Congratulations HovaTheGodMC, that's excellent work. I mean, in a world where there seriously, and we've all played this game, are NO routes that are under 10 yards, you seem to manage just fine. Slants? No, that's cheese, can't do that. How about Curls? No, shit. Drag rou...nope. Streaks? Well fuck. Oh, how about I abuse the fucking corner and out routes some more. It wouldn't surprise me if he also had Suh playing Right Guard. Really, congrats.

    Lowest Average Yards Per Carry among Running Backs who've carried the ball more than 25 times award

    Danny Woodhead! Huzzah Timpegoose. Kudos for trying, because let's face it, you've probably given it a longer shot than any of these knee jerk reacting idiots out there, but you're failing. If it weren't for the god awful coaches within the division, I'd probably give you all the credit for that 6-0 start. And with the fourth worst offense in the league at this point, or, 28 for those of you who can't count backwards, you're really bringing pride to the AFC North.

    The Seattle Seahawks sit atop the shit mountain that is lowest points per game. Through however many they've played, because we lost count at 0-3, JFace907 has managed an astounding 10 offensive touchdowns! Maybe you and Cheez, our second place contestant, should take some notes. You know, while you're getting your face kicked in by your opponents, maybe note what they are doing, and use it. Or, just do something completely different. Maybe a wife swap is in order here? Either way you're stuck with a team in a shitty time zone, with no relevance to anyone East of Colorado.

    Through Seven Games, the Panthers have given up 3084 yards on defense. My calculator puts that at a little over 440 yards of offense given up per game. Which, is actually pretty good if you're an Arena Football team. Instead, you've compiled probably the worst defense of all time. I'm sure it's not the playcalling though fuzzyl0gic, and let's face it, you can draft that shitty Navy Linebacker to fit perfectly in your scheme, which is 'curl into a ball when someone's running at you.'

    The Titans are right behind him, with 2904 yards given up. But a fantastic 19 interceptions in 7 games! So, basically AzureEffect calls Man-To-Man Press at every play. That's the only option here right? You've stopped 19 drives by picking the ball off, but maybe the blame should be pointed at your offense? No, not diving into that, just going to be accusatory and say you Man Press every play. I don't give a shit.

    @JFace907's Magic Mike, Russell Wilson has been sacked 49 times so far this season, so instead of piling on, because his record does that job for me, I'll move onto the next two behind him. Blaine Gabbert and Peyton Manning. Gyrene76 is good enough to feel pressure coming, I think most of us here know that. But he doesn't have the tools around him to make him great I'm sure. That, and Josh's southern drawl allows him to read defenses at an alarmingly slow rate. "Oh Wellllll Blackmon is covveerrred......I suppose I'll just *sack*" Nailed it. But Peyton Manning? I mean, Danthraxxx, you do know that he's had 45 neck surgeries, right? Instead of constantly turning the ball over in FIFA Clubs, maybe try a Pass Skeleton out, and tinker?

    The Buccaneers(52%) followed by the Cardinals(64%) have the worst offensive redzone percentage in the league. Getting there doesn't seem to be a huge issue, but their collective shitting of the bed in that part of the field will be the reason that they're not going to go to the playoffs this year. One, because the aforementioned Bondzai doesn't realize he's still using the 'inverted controls' in Madden, and two, because TEClemson53 is too busy copy and pasting graphics in Adobe Photoshop to give a shit.


    How Bad is the NFC South?!

    The Saints, are 7-0. Way to go capp34, you've got the best quarterback in the game, I'm sure he doesn't help that at all though. You know what does help? Is the collective 'Three Stooges' within the division. antcap24 is Moe, because he's smarter than you'd think, but hangs around with the rest of you idiots. He's also 0-5, because 'Matty Ice' decided to relive his Boston College days of drinking the night before the game, midget tossing, and getting at least one STD every week. The Panthers, fuzzyl0gic aka Larry, has a laptop theif as his quarterback, the shittiest play caller of all time, and a defense that couldn't stop Christopher Reeves from walking into the endzone. Finally, Bondzai has to be Curly, right? The hair is a point to note, but I think it's his constant hate for himself, and the burying his head after every loss into a pile of twinkies. But, he's the tough guy, so don't tell him I said that.


    The only division worse than the NFC South is the AFC West. Real talk. Brass Tax. Another cliche.

    Danthraxxx Big Suge Knight Cheez

    You're letting Baron run away with this division. I get it, your team sucks, no one follows you guys, even the new guy taking over the Bears has to be reminded there is a team west of Montana. Aren't you sick of all the Hoss'es, the 'Boys,' the 'constant bitching'? Facing Baron while talking to him is enough to drive any of us to turn up resident jackass Cris Collinsworth's great analysis. Here's how you can stop him, I'll give you the secret. Everytime he starts to talk, start screaming 'NO NO NO NEVER NEVER NEVER' into the mic. It's enough to throw him off his guard, and also because he just wants to be accepted(he's a journalist for fucks sake.)

    The Browns

    Really nothing to say here. We all know Shaun Mason is a sandbagging son of a bitch, but let's just all get this moving forward. He actually sucks at this game. It's like watching a toddler do science. A dog attempting to chase it's tail. An Ohio State fan actually believing Urban is the answer. An Eagles fan actually thinking there's a championship to be had. So on, and so forth.


    Rookie of the Year thus far :

    Didn't look it up, and don't care to. Speak amongst yourselves.


    [​IMG]

    Picture by someone. Pictured : JFace907. Interested in : Men.


    Editor's Note :

    Keller your run game still sucks.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2012
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  2. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    This is amazing man. WOW
     
  3. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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    Comedic gold as always Marty.

    Although you giving anyone advice on how to beat me is, on the scale of hilariously bad advice, the second worse matchup in history. First obviously being Cheez and anyone with an IQ over 40.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2012
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  4. sawemoff

    sawemoff #FearTheBeard

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    This is greatness!!!!
     
  5. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    Love it MartyWebb - LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYYY
     
  6. LSUTRUTH

    LSUTRUTH The one and only

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    This shit was funny. Lol.
     
  7. TEClemson53

    TEClemson53 Walk On

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    haha, pretty much...... no fucks given

    but the real story, feely has great power but can't kick a 10 yard field goal & I freak out on 3rd downs and throw INT's instead of just settling for FG's :)
     
  8. Cheez

    Cheez TSO's 1,000,000th Poster

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    Baron , I did not realize that writing a letter to Cosmo twice a week constituted as "journalism"
     
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  9. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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    It's a living. Though your name always seems to pop up in the comment sections on the "how-to-please your man" sections, talking about strap-ons and the like.
     
  10. Cheez

    Cheez TSO's 1,000,000th Poster

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    Baron, will you stop calling the male prostitutes you purchase "Cheez"? Or, if you don't, please stop posting your sexual perversions on an open forum.
     
  11. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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    Cheez I know you like to think otherwise, but I only fuck you in Madden. And certainly no one pays you for that.
     
  12. Cheez

    Cheez TSO's 1,000,000th Poster

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    You're the one that shares their sexual perversions over an open forum. I think most would argue that you're the one with the problem here.

    The outlier being Danthraxxx , and he's Denver. Nobody cares about Denver. Thusly, nobody cares about his opinion.
     
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  13. Danthraxxx

    Danthraxxx Walk On

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    Actually its only internet tough guys who don't want my opinion ...... and Denver is now awesome by the way



    cheech.jpg
     
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  14. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    you both suck ass

    [​IMG]

    cheers bitches
     
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  15. I Peench

    I Peench Caught in the hustle

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    I'm so glad Cheez bailed on PFP. You two girls are just constantly slapping each other's faces with your own dirty douches.

    [​IMG]
     
  16. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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    Shouldn't you be off cheesing somewhere?
     
  17. Cheez

    Cheez TSO's 1,000,000th Poster

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    I Peench

     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2012
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  18. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

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    • Like Like x 2
  19. Bulldog

    Bulldog Coach Richt is my Dawg!

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    Cheez don't be scared! :p
     
  20. Cheez

    Cheez TSO's 1,000,000th Poster

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    I Peench

    I'm rethinking my decision a little bit. I'm having fun with my user games, but playing the CPU is just miserable. I've been supersimming defense the last couple years out of sheer boredom.
     
  21. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    So your joining?
     
  22. I Peench

    I Peench Caught in the hustle

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    We need one more. Lots of user games.

    [​IMG]
     
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  23. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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    ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF US!
     
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  24. bawvu97

    bawvu97 Let's Goooooo Mountaineers

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    It's like watching a toddler do science. HILARIOUSO
     
  25. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    [​IMG]
    Nice content. With my two starting CBs out the past few weeks, the Panthers have really fallen off the face off the earth. It's now a competition between Atlanta and the Panthers for a higher draft pick. "There is always next year". ​
     

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