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Off The Beaten Path Season 1, Episode 2

Discussion in 'Pushing for Paydirt' started by MartyWebb, Jul 28, 2012.

  1. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

    Jul 25, 2010
    Off The Beaten Path. We look while no one else does.

    Since no one else has stepped up and offered a suitable graphic for this glorious content, it looks like I will have to take it on myself. Let's see, I'm going to go into Google. Search for Images, 'Off the beaten path.'


    WHOA! Shit just got real. Next!


    I don't know what map that guy uses, but I assume it's Kentucky.



    fuck it. I'll make my own. Later. Because I'm busy right now.

    We're at Conference Championship week, which might make you think, how did we get here? First of all, that's a stupid question. Second of all, we advanced to it, week by week. How long did it take? It took us only 4 1/2 days to play out a whole season! Congratulations fellas! Despite your insomnia and starvation, we're a premier league, get your priorities straight!

    Back to the Conference Championships. In Conference USA, we have the 9-3(7-1) Tulsa Golden Hurricanes facing off against the 8-4(7-1) UCF Knights. These teams are remarkably closing, and if it hadn't been for loldanthraxxx's horrible tackling ability, they might go into this with the same record. Despite Tulsa leading in every statistical category except Rushing Offense (#45) to UCF's (#41), Kirk Herbstreit picks the Knights to win! Apparently when Lee Corso had his stroke, his ignorance hopped into good 'ole Kirk and his Dove Shampoo commercials. Oh. Wait. Apparently UCF beat Tulsa in September 34-13. Well, everyone gets lucky, so we're going to go ahead and predict that Tulsa wins Conference USA!

    Over in the MAC, we've got the Toledo Rockets 8-4(6-2) against the Ohio Bobcats 10-2(8-0). Despite Ohio's flawless record within the conference, they haven't met Toledo all season. How can you bet against these Rockets? Huh? They decimated FCS E 41-7! They held on against Ball State 27-26. They took a licking in the showers from Penn State, 42-26! Despite their remarkable record, the staff here at OTBP pick the Ohio Bobcats to continue their MAC dominance, becoming MAC daddies in the process. And by staff, I mean me, a love doll covered in magic marker and a unopened jar of Apple Butter.

    Wisconsin 10-2(6-2) play Michigan State 9-3(6-2) for the Big Ten, B1G 11? B1G, oh they're just going with that, wth Title! I'd like to give you reasons one team or another is going to win, but I'm going to be honest and say that this being the most boring conference in the world, and this one is for all of you PFPers who love 'em, OHIO STATE WILL WIN THE B1G CONFERENCE! In an unbelievable turn, Michigan State's bus breaks down, while Wisconsin's plane gets shot down due to no communication with the Air Force base Ijustamadeitup(they all survived, thank god for parachute pants.) Ohio State shoes up, plays a game of shoots and latters, team Scarlett against team Greyish Silver, Team Scarlett holds up the trophy at the end of it.

    And our final Conference Championship Game coverage, Arkansas 10-2(6-2) vs. Georgia 11-1(7-1). This is for bragging rights, DerekC vs Bulldog. But really, who gives a shit about these teams? Arkansas has the most points per game in the country, proving that not only their former head coach scores a lot, while Georgia's Pass Offense is about as worthless as Mark Richt's constant dandruff. They are similar though, mind you that when making your picks! They both have the same colors. They both weren't picked to do jack this year in the SEC, and they both are completely irrelevant to 10 coaches here at PFP. They also both lost to Auburn, which is strange because those guys can't even decide on a team mascot. I'll give Georgia the victory here, because something needs to go right for Zach after that Victory Bell thing I've heard so much about.

    That will do it for Conference Coverage, now we'll show you the regular season leaders in specific statistical categories.

    Worst QB Rating
    UNLV QB Caleb Herring - 67.8
    - Not only is this pathetic, but because some dumb motherfucker here decided to take on a new members online dynasty, and choose UNLV as their team, they'll have to deal with this shit first hand.

    Longest Pass
    UCLA QB Brett Hundley - 99 yards to Jerry Rice Jr. against USC
    - Just thought this was a nice little tidbit.

    Most awkward Average Yards Per Rush
    Virginia Tech QB Logan Thomas - 0.0
    - So basically, it's utterly pointless to do this. Might want to reconsider that gameplan.

    Second most Receiving Yards
    Washington State WR Marquess Wilson - 1410 yards
    - Cheesedick

    Worst FG%
    Duke K Jack Willoughby - 31%, 6 for 19
    - While Jack is likely from Australia, and doesn't know any better, he's likely have faired better if it wasn't for his fellow conference members cheating so much.

    Most Field Goals Blocked
    UAB K Ty Long - 2
    - His last name wasn't originally long, until he 'found his groove' while kicking, only after listening to the entire Metallica S&M CD. I'm certainly not hating on the CD here, but I hope you got the point where I'm basically saying he takes way too fucking long to kick.

    Most Sacks Given Up
    UTEP C Eloy Atkinson - 14
    - His blocking ability is a major contribution to his quarterback now resembling Terri Schiavo.

    The 8 Highest Yards per Completion Averages
    OSU Sean Mannion, FSU E.J. Manual, VT Logan Thomas, USC Matt Barkley, UDub Keith Price, Oregon Bryan Bennett, Miami Ryan Williams.
    - 4 out of the 7 are PAC-12 user teams, which just shows how much better we are then you assholes.

    I Peench
    Mike E

    and finally, your Top 25 following the regular season!

    • Like Like x 8
  2. I Peench

    I Peench Caught in the hustle

    Jul 1, 2010
    • Like Like x 1

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