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Off The Beaten Path Season 2, Episode 1

Discussion in 'Pushing for Paydirt' started by MartyWebb, Aug 4, 2012.

  1. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

    Jul 25, 2010
    Off The Beaten Path. We look while no one else does.

    So here we are into a young Season 2 in Pushing for Paydirt. The dew still hovers, a bird's song fills the air. We're in Week 7 already? Ughhhh. The only thing quicker than our damn advances is Ghost's first sexual experience, oh, and by the way, welcome to the 'Bullet Train' league.

    So now back to this Week 7 shit, because that's what it is, shit. Baron and Peench are the only ones who reads this, while Bulldog tallies the content board underneath 'done.' Matt aka Bucs is too busy jerking it to 2 Live Crew music videos. JFace is constantly refreshing his friend request to Urban Meyer on facebook, and Danthraxxx is to busy braiding his hair.

    Who is really, really good?

    Well, the #2 ranked Oklahoma Sooners are, for now. Their next two games are at Kansas State(#24) and the Red River shootout against now #5 Texas. After that, they have an array of teams that remarkably resemble cow shit. Look for an undefeated season out of Bob Stoops.

    Rutgers, at 4-0 on the season. While Really Really Good is probably an over statement, Rutgers only real competition left on the schedule is a home game against Boise State this week(we're probably already in Week 10 when you're reading this, so ignore that) and at USER #25 Miami. Since we're focusing on teams that aren't ours, then I'll tell you that they won't go without losing, but it won't be at #25 Miami.

    The #4 ranked Hawkeyes of Iowa have only allowed 22 points through their first 4 games. Albeit against teams whose irrelevancy can only be surpassed by this guy :
    Elian GD Gonzalez.

    Who Sucks Wang?

    UNLV. They're only 2-2, which is suitable, right Matt Alexander? But they're 9-game HOME losing streak has become not a trend, not a fad, but a horrible sin city habit. As the saying goes, it'll always be easier to score Cocaine in Las Vegan than points. (y) Good job, good effort.

    The Ohio Bobcats. You're 0-5, 0-1 in the conference. You're scoring 13.0 points per game, you amassed an incredible 1361 offensive yards(272 yards per game), and your Tackle leader has 17 total tackles. You must have this guy coaching your team.

    The Vanderbilt Commodores third down conversion rate. With 68 third downs faced, the smartest school in the SEC has managed 18 conversions. 26%. The best part is that they idiots of the SEC probably think that's best in the nation, and promise to lay off if they can just do their papers for them.

    Bench This Idiot

    Texas State, who's now in their second season in Division I - FBS is struggling. That's expected when you make the jump to this level. But their Quarterback Tyler Arndt isn't exactly the senior you want leading your offense. With an 81.5 QB Rating(no Ghost, that's not out of 100) and a sub-50% completion percentage, things certainly ARNDT going well. See what I did there? Layed it out, just talking about a guy, and then BOOM full circle, replaced a word with a name that sounds similar. Fuck I'm good. Like, take Baron's writing gig good. Then I'd have to live in that shit hole South Carolina. Oh, and in case you're wondering, he averages 135 yards passing per game, has 1 touchdown and 6 interceptions. This kid might have a bright future though, as I'm pretty sure Bulldog through 18 against me last year.

    The second worst AVG Yards per Rush Running back this season, behind Virginia Tech running back Eye Dungiveashit, is Air Force's Broam Hart. 30 attempts, no matter how you stretch it out, is pretty fitting of what you could get from a guy out of one game. Of course, you'd have to be running that pound it run game, but nonetheless. Mr. Hart, who has no relation to former Michigan Mike Hart, former canadian musician Corey Hart or Bret the Hitman Hart, is averaging 2.6 yards per carry. That is literally, 7.8 feet. At 6'1", Broam could literally slip on a banana peel, shimmy back, and then forth, and fall right on his feet any get beyond 2.6 yards.

    In Closing

    This is a slightly watered down version, compared to my first two reads. If you don't know which reads I'm referring to, then thanks asshole I really worked hard on those. Worked hard on these too, but I'm on my laptop, and I don't feel like taking the necessary 2.6 yards to upload a bunch of pictures, and funny bits. Instead, I can just burn your fucking eyes by coloring this sentence like Bulldog does his signatures, just to ensure that I'm not only indecisive, but that I can't fucking decide on what my favorite color is.


    DerekC Mike E Danthraxxx I Peench Bulldog JFace907 Baron Ghost Bucs sawemoff
    • Like Like x 8
  2. Bulldog

    Bulldog Coach Richt is my Dawg!

    Jul 1, 2010
    hahaha douchebag
  3. sawemoff

    sawemoff #FearTheBeard

    Dec 29, 2011
    LMAO at the closing!!!
  4. I Peench

    I Peench Caught in the hustle

    Jul 1, 2010
    Hhaha. As always, makin me giggle MartyWebb
  5. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

    Jul 5, 2011
    My poor Bobcats! :(

    But otherwise, delightful as always Marty.
  6. Ghost

    Ghost Before the rollieee!

    Aug 8, 2011
    This is awesome MartyWebb
    Made me spit out my water at some of these jokes

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