Off the Beaten Path - Season 4, Episode 1

Discussion in 'Pushing for Paydirt' started by MartyWebb, Sep 12, 2012.

  1. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

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    Off the Beaten Path

    Hey guys, how have you been? I've been good, thanks for asking. A little busy, with the second job, then not having a second job, then getting a promotion at my current job, and then now searching for a third roommate, ehemm JFace907. Not that you give a shit, but it has kept me from writing easily the number one most anticipated publication on Tradition Sports. It's number two if you count all of RynoAid's reviews, that no one replies to, but everyone looks at. Yeah Right.

    So let's take a look around the league, shall we?

    [​IMG]
    NEW FACES OLD PLACES!!!!? DID I SAY THAT RIGHT?


    It's time to look at some new guys. Even though those new guys don't understand yet that IDGAF about the user teams, this is about everyone else, but they're 'so special' that they need a little piece about them.

    HarkTheSound Is now in our league, as Clemson. This marks the 14th coach that has taken over the Tigers, despite that, they're still servicable. Does his name ring a bell? Well fuck no it doesn't. No one Harks shit, and it'd be 20x more badass had it been SHARKTheSound. No one would mess with him. Peench wouldn't have beaten him then. Regardless he seems like a big enough douche that he'd wear a shark tooth necklace that everyone bought on vacation, wore once, and then buried in the 'Worthless Shit' pile.

    Gyrene76, or as I like to think of him, Baron 's replacement. He introduced himself as Josh. Seems legit. What I also hear is that he may or may not praise terrorism, abortion and lying. That's just hear-say, so take that for what it's worth, but now it's published on the internet, and will be here forever. I'm glad I could force you to change your name, like that Wutz_Krakalakin douche. Whatever happened to him anyways?

    Now I'm done with that. I'll probably forget both of you until the next publication, but you're not important enough for me to remember that either. Nice knowing you.

    [​IMG]
    FOOTBALL FAIL!!!!!!!!?!!!!
    Since it's so early in the season, all of the statistics are skewed. So if anything, these idiots have been really, really bad for one game. Which means, if I know my football, that they will continue on into worthlisness(I don't fucking care how you spell that) in football. Wait, what was I saying again?​
    UConn, carrying the strength of the Big East on their shoulders, are averaging a 7% completion percentage on 3rd down. On their 13 attempts, they've converted one. If there was ever a place for a 'quick-kick' scenario, it'd be right here, up the Huskies asses.​
    Cheese alert : The Texas Tech Red Bumps on your crotch because now you got herpes, have attempted 9 fourth down plays. In two games, averaging 4.5, for those who don't know basic math. They've converted 5 of them, so that'd be a percentage of 84.2 percent, for those of you who don't know basic math. While this stat doesn't mean anything to anybody, I'm just why the fuck I can't pick a second team, but Ghost can lead those assholes to an 0-2 start. ​
    Marshall, who's still upset at 9/11 for stealing their plane crash 'thunder,' have made it a point. Since their one trip to the red zone, in two games, they've pushed more of their focus on handicapping their planes used to travel in an attempt to become relevant again. Any chance to see Matthew McConaughy(w/e) with his shirt off, AMIRITE!?​
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    FOOTBALL IMPRESS!!!!!!!!!!^!!!!
    Just like the ability for ^^^that guy to become relevant again, these players have made a splash on the national landscape. Or, as I like to call it, that thing that beats UCLA at least 3 times a season. ​
    Michael Smith, QB from Stanford, who's undoubtedly less annoying than his ESPN analyst counterpart, has started the season out front with the most passing yards of the year. 788 yards, through however many games sorry the NCAA menus are fucked and IDC. 9 touchdowns, and 0 interceptions, which if you count the pick sixes, is as many TDs as Matt Barkley threw in Season 1 of PFP against the Bruins. Bulldog
    The first computer rusher to have the most rushing yards, behind two users, is Terrence Magee for LSU. 44 rushes for 304 yards, a 6.9 ypc average. No doubt it was likely against the sisters of the poor, aka Ghost 's new roommates. First in the country is a QB. Weird. He's 93 overall...okay I see so that makes.....he fucking averages 9.4 yards per carry?!?! WHAT?!?! You must be asking yourselves why the fuck I didn't spell out ypc early? I don't know, because it makes this article look longer, gets me my 'content' checked by that guy who's in charge of that stuff. Although my TV is shorted out, so I can't read this QB's name, when in all reality the laptop is blocking the screen right now and I've already moved on to the next topic. ​
    Tyrek Cheeseboro. He's a WR. Any guys on what user team he plays for? Maryland. Shocked? Didn't think so. 25.2 yards per catch. Ha.​
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    WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT??????**?????
    Fuck, I forgot to change the font back after that title. Well. This is basically the end. Mostly because I'd like to do another one this season, secondly because I've held back as much as possible to not flame sawemoff for embarrassing Cowboys fans everywhere(YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!) I'd like to thank all of my section's titles to Bulldog, for the fact that he's both colorblind and has down syndrome, and to Baron for writing in all caps whenever he's complaining about the game, which let's face it, is basically his second job now.
    Bucs
     
    • Like Like x 9
  2. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Lol, very nice.
     
  3. I Peench

    I Peench Caught in the hustle

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  4. Baron

    Baron "I'm PFP's reckoning."

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  5. Ghost

    Ghost Before the rollieee!

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    CHEESEEEEEEEEEEBORO

    Good shit marty
     
  6. Bucs

    Bucs GT: ThruTheSmoke47

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    Meh.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Gyrene76

    Gyrene76 What does the fox say?

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    Lol, he say something you weren't fond of?
     
  8. Bulldog

    Bulldog Coach Richt is my Dawg!

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    Whatevs :rolleyes:

    You can talk trash when the Bruins make it to at east a bowl game.

    USC 10-0 in PAC12 a season ago just sayin
     
  9. MartyWebb

    MartyWebb C.R.E.A.M.

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    Simmed win.
     
  10. Bulldog

    Bulldog Coach Richt is my Dawg!

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    One sim all season and it was against you........
     

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