Orange Crush Story Time

Discussion in 'Thread Archive' started by JQwon13, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Alright guys, I like to bring up this feature in my leagues. I know Fuzzy has already seen it and read this story, but I'm gonna just copy & paste it since most of you have not. Just a little something to give you all insight into my personal life.

    In return, I'd like yall to post a good story as well. It brings some good laughs to the board, plus it helps me with my end of season feature which yall will see at the end of this season. So without further ado....

    The Austin Wedding Story

    To start this story, let me give you a quick background. This occurred about 9 months ago as one of my friends from high school was getting married. I'm from the Dallas area, but he has since moved down to Austin which is where the wedding was held. Also, my buddy may be the biggest cockblock on the face of the earth. I went down to visit him at Texas A&M one weekend a couple years back and I ended up hooking up with the roommate of the woman that is now his wife despite him sending a text to me and her saying "Make good decisions". I almost made the decision to hit him in the face. That girl ended up being a bridesmaid and wasn't exactly my biggest fan after I ignored her after that weekend.

    So fast forward to the weekend of the wedding. My buddy who we will call "Trady" to protect his identity practically lived at my house during high school so he was also very close with my parents. So he invited them as well as me. I was happy my parents were going as they would pay for the hotel room and everything. Friday night is the rehearsal dinner, which my parents did not go to. They dropped me off at the church for the wedding rehearsal and went back to the hotel. Once there, myself and the rest of the single groomsmen and ushers targeted the hot females that were there. We quickly zeroed in on the hot chick that was reading scripture during the ceremony. Well it turns out that was Trady's cousin, not that it was going to stop me.

    After the rehearsal we head over to the rehearsal dinner and it is open bar. I begin throwing game at "hot cousin" before its time to take our seats. Then I started a drinking game at our table once everyone started making these speeches on the microphone. Every time someone said the grooms name, the guys drank. When someone said the brides name, girls drank. If someone said love or happiness, everyone drank. Side note here, I noticed a little girl around hot cousin quite a bit only to find out she is 29, been divorced a year and has a two year old daughter.

    Once done there, basically the entire wedding party headed to the bar, including the grooms parents and hot cousin. Once there I was able to open up my game a bit more despite being chastised multiple times by both Trady, his mom and his sister. I believe all of this just led to hot cousin wanting me more though. After once sneaking off to make out with hot cousin, everyone was hammered and ready to call it a night. We piled into different vehicles. I hopped into a taxi along with Trady, his mom and hot cousin on the way back to the hotel where all the family was staying. We get out of the taxi and Trady's mom, being very confused, asks "don't you need the taxi to get back to your hotel?" I replied with "No, I'll figure something out." And in an obvious and completely awkward way, slinked off with hot cousin to her room.

    Once in her room, I felt we were free because hot cousin's mom was taking care of the two year old daughter. We wasted no time once we got to her room and got straight to the unprotected pre-marrital sex while taking the Lord's name in vain...I'm so sorry Joshua... Well as fate would have it, they were staying in the room next door and the daughter had fallen off the bed and was crying. So the mom was texting hot cousin if she had made it back from the bar ok. Once we were done doing the nasty, hot cousin responded that she had made it back ok. Well as we lay there naked, I had no idea that the mom had a key to hot cousin's room. 30 seconds later, hot cousins mom knocks lightly before opening the door. Thank God for that little latch on hotel room doors. However, her coming in sent both of us into a frenzy. As hot cousin jumped up and started throwing on clothes, I panicked. Being drunk, all I knew was the door was one way and I wanted to go the other.

    So I rather violently rolled and flung myself off the bed, going face first into the night stand. I didn't hit a corner or anything sharp, I hit the blunt edge of the top and I hit it hard enough to bust/gash my forehead open. So the current situation was now an extreme pain, blood running down my face, completely naked and trying to squirm my way under the hotel bed which proved impossible. After giving up on that, I grabbed my pants and dove into the bathroom. Hot Cousin's mom asked if someone was in the room, hot cousin lied of course, took the daughter and said goodbye. So now the hot cousin ended up sleeping on one bed with her daughter as I crashed on the other bed. Everything turned out fine that night, but the next morning I returned to my parents hotel room to my mother's horror at the site of my head. It looked freaking awful. It was gashed open and stuck out about two inches from my head in a huge knot. Keep in mind that Friday night was only the rehearsal so the wedding was that day. By the end of the wedding reception, everyone there found out what happened, including my father. Luckily my mom was the one person kept out of the loop. But it was not an easy story to hide considering my head. I told her I was really drunk and ran into a door.

    Epilogue: The night after the wedding, I went back and banged the hot cousin again. Boom!
     
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  2. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    Jesus how much mileage can one story get you? :trophy:
     
  3. fuzzyl0gic

    fuzzyl0gic No new friends

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    Kasper could tell you about the time he banged two fat chicks at South Dakota State.
     
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  4. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    I'm sure it's a lot more than 2....
     
  5. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Well...I haven't told the South Padre stripper story yet on TF. So I'll get around to writing that up tomorrow.
     
  6. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    Haha good shit Qwon.


    Tschetter2 and I have laughed about this one multiple times-- I'm even taking the time for a title.

    "Sooooo"​
    Sooooo, there was this girl in high school- rockin body, face was fairly cute (until recently- had a kid and likes pills etc.) I had a buddy who transferred from a small town school about 20 miles away from my hometown of Huron, SD (we'll call him Lance). So, about Sophomore year he transferred and that was about the age girls in my grade started whoring around. Lance, being the lucky bastard he is, happens to be the flavor of the year being new and all. He fools around with basically every girl I wanted to (I was just getting into this whole thing "birds and the bees" thing). These were the days when you childishly talked about porking girls etc. So as we get to our Junior and Senior years, he starts banging all these girls I've wanted to becuase hey we were all 18 or so and whatever.​
    While he is slutting around, I'm dating this girl (big mistake probably, not to toot my horn but I was a stud football player for our school and knew everyone. I'm sure most of you were in those shoes or have a good idea of it. I wasn't a jock I wouldn't say, I was friends with everyone, but I won't bore you with that more then I already have. We will call that girl from the beginning "Sally", btw. So Lance tells me about how good Sally is in the sack and what not-- and they fuck probably a dozen times. This chick loved sex, and would show up at his house around midnight or so just asking to be let in for it haha.​
    Fast forward to summer after senior year, I break up with said girlfriend and start havin some fun. I had wanted to bang Sally since hearing the stories form Lance, and started putting in a little effort to do so. another one of my friends had also been doing the same thing as Lance was- and once I finally got it in with her we always had fun joking about her lovin the D and the late night texts we all got about her wanting to watch a movie or go for a drive and have a smoke.​
    So I'm at home one night, and I hadn''t been with Sally for a week or so, so I go to her place to watch Orange County for probably the 8th time there. She says the house is empty and we can do whatever we want. Eventually, we do the nasty and what not and watch the movie for a while again. I go lay on a futon (tired and what not ya know) and she comes over and starts kissin me again and eventually starts blowing me. I'm basically asleep, on cloud 9 (best bj to this day I've had) and all the sudden I hear a door close-- which I now realize didn't even really register in my head. Sally stops and says "my dad's here". Me, still in lala land replies with a confused "huh?"​
    Before I could pull my shorts up, ol daddy comes right downstairs (as if he knows his daughter gets fucked by me and my friends down there) and catches her rising her head up and putting her shirt on, while I don't even have my dick back in my shorts. Dad simple says "get the hell out of my house". I was scared shitless, but once I got outside I realize how funny the situation was. I ended up texting her a few days later with a puzzled "sooooo?" -- which resulted in a cigerette drive and another fantastic blowjob hahahaha.​
    Lance, myself, and the third friend laugh about this nearly everytime we hang out..​
     
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  7. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    Hahaha good times... Unfortunately for me, I grew up in the burbs in the bible belt. I swear I went to high school with the most prude girls in the world. I had to make up for it in college. Lucky small town bastards...

    Looking back, don't you wish you would have told her dad, "hold on, I'm almost finished."
     
  8. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    Looking back, I'm surprised I didn't get my ass kicked.
     
  9. The Natural

    The Natural Public Enemy #1

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    Meh...was hoping for a much better payoff in the end..


    Reading Kqwan's story now.
     
  10. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    I wanna hear a fake Natural story!
     
  11. The Natural

    The Natural Public Enemy #1

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    My stories are too rated X for this board, I would be banned in less than a week.
     
  12. -Cougars-

    -Cougars- Walk On

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    [​IMG]
     
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  13. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    Oh come on, you can write it rated R
     
  14. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    I like this Cougars guy now...He's good shit. And I agree. The Natural if they haven't banned me yet, I'm pretty sure you're safe. I've done everything I can to try and get banned. I even told one of the admins to hold my dick. fuzzyl0gic can attest to that... So I'd say you're clear. Start sharing bitch...
     
  15. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    That's pretty badass...
     
  16. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    You should go back and check out my New Member App... It was entertaining.
     
  17. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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    Go dig mine up, I was a total douche and its pretty darn funny to go back and read.
     
  18. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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  19. The Natural

    The Natural Public Enemy #1

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    Going to post something in here this week when I get some free time.
     
  20. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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  21. Kasper

    Kasper The Ghost Himself

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  22. JQwon13

    JQwon13 Walk On

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    That's what I keep telling The Natural...If they haven't banned me, he should be safe.
     
  23. -Cougars-

    -Cougars- Walk On

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    That was the funniest shit I have ever read in my life. "Cry to Dylan like a bitch." Too fucking funny
     

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