Los Angeles Angels G.M. Mike Scioscia has called an emergency press conference to address growing concern inside his organization, after losing his top two pitching prospects to hoop dreams. After "Dode" Stanbridge, who was on the doorstep of the MLB and poised to be one of the best arms in the division, shocked all of baseball by declaring for the NBA, SP Eddie "Grand Wizard" Dixon follows suit just a few months later. "We believe these are two separate, isolated incidents that have nothing to do with our organization whatsoever. With both Bill [Stanbridge] and Eddie [Dixon], we made it clear that we were thrilled with their progression, and had big plans for them ahead," Scioscia explained. In fact, Scioscia thinks it is more of a cultural thing than anything. "Kids these days - seems like baseball's cool factor has continued to regress." Scioscia, in order to quell growing concerns over players moving on to basketball, also announced he will now be including an unlimited supply of calf sleeves, headbands, and white trash groupies to every player in the organization. There are also rumors that Scioscia has extended an offer of a Chili's gift card to commissioner NeuroticTruth. Conspiracy theorists will go to town on that one.