Pete Fiutak thinks Chris Berman stinks

Discussion in 'The Cheap Seats' started by Rudy, Apr 27, 2010.

  1. Rudy

    Rudy Pumped for NCAA 11

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    Pete Fiutak thinks Chris Berman stinks

    I thought this was funny in his recent column.

    http://cfn.scout.com/2/966018.html

    Chris Berman should never be permitted to interview anyone, or even ask a question, ever again. Forget about talking to sports personalities; Berman shouldn’t be allowed to ask about the daily special, he shouldn’t be able to inquire what time the movie starts, and he shouldn’t even be able to ask if you want fries with that. The guy cannot get out a coherent question.

    Just like Robin Williams talks really, really fast to hide the painful truth that he’s not funny, and like the NBA tries to bombard the senses at every possible moment to keep fans from noticing the mind-numbing boredom of the product, Berman tries to distract from his lack of football knowledge by screaming, using the same tired 1970’s music references, and/or breaking into one of his indistinguishable NFL voices that don’t really have any frame of reference.

    To be fair, Berman has a ton of stuff thrown at him all at once when the bullets of the draft start flying, but Trey Wingo didn’t have any problems when he got to be the emcee, and Mike Tirico wouldn’t have rumbled, stumbled and bumbled the job if he was the one directing traffic. At this point, Berman’s biggest problem is that he can’t handle the workload of an ace anymore, and he needs to be used like Carlos Zambrano and moved to deal with the eighth inning.

    Berman, because he isn’t a commentator and he has to do the heavy lifting, hasn’t made the transition into a cute legend like Dick Vitale has. Instead, the act has made the run from worn out to distracting to incompetent. Vitale might have lost something off the fastball, but it’s almost forgivable because you know the promotional agenda and you know that, for all his faults, he simply loves college basketball. With Berman, there isn’t a sense that he cares enough because he doesn’t appear to do enough homework. Case in point …

    ... Fresno State RB Ryan Mathews was a huge pick for San Diego at the 12 considering head coach Norv Turner has already said his new back will be getting around 300 touches this year. It was a key moment in the first round, and Berman’s schtick ended up getting in the way.

    Instead of playing it straight and diving into the importance of the pick to a team that got the right guy at the right time, Berman, who also goes by his “Jersey Shore†nickname, The Caricature, decided to go all Bermany and yelled, “And there goes Big Mathews.†Since Mathews is a bigger back than the other top running back prospects, Clemson’s C.J. Spiller and Cal’s Jahvid Best, it did make sense to refer to his size, but it was hard to tell exactly what Berman said. In the haste, Tom Jackson and Mel Kiper, who obviously thought Berman said the wrong first name, quickly tried to pick up the slack by saying that San Diego had drafted RYAN Mathews, but at that point the moment had passed.

    And then came the mother of all Berman biffs. Again slipping into character, instead of letting the excitement create the moment, Berman started screaming when Dallas suddenly and dramatically traded up to get Dez Bryant, the immensely talented, somewhat troubled wide receiver out of Oklahoma State.

    Trying to come up with a One Small Step For Do You Believe In Miracles line, Berman bellowed out, “Jerry Jones … Oklahoma State … Dez Bryant … Okla … errr …uhhh,†pausing as someone had to be screaming into his earpiece, “JONES WENT TO ARKANSAS!†The line should’ve connected the Cowboys of Oklahoma State to the Cowboys of Dallas, but in the heat of the moment, the star of the show wilted yet again.
     
  2. Rudy

    Rudy Pumped for NCAA 11

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    To be fair, Fiutak takes a bunch of shots at a bunch of people. I just liked the Robin Williams line.
     
  3. BlyGilmore

    BlyGilmore It's All In The Hips!

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    Unfortunately at some point in the past five years, Chris Berman became Chris Berman playing Chris Berman. He's about 95 percent schtick at this point, and it was noticable how much better the draft was when Wingo jumped in.

    The number of ESPN former great personalities who have become caricatures of themselves over the past few years is pretty startling. Berman, Vitale and Peter Gammons being the top three that instantly come to my mind.
     
  4. Juggernautblitz

    Juggernautblitz Carbon glutton

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    There is absolutely no reason for them to have 5 guys up there. Steve Young seems pissed most of the time and 10 years after taking his last hit his eyes are still glazed over and he acts concussed. I like Jon Gruden but there wasn't a single pick that he didn't love and that got annoying real quick. I say cut down to 3 or 4 with more Mel and somebody else that can really break it down like Mort.
     

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