KENT- In a chilling discovery, and what appears, initially, to be a gruesome retaliation for the ruthless and savage shooting of former Idaho Vandal football players, an Ohio family was found murdered early Tuesday morning. Police suspect that Jerry Collins arrived home after a night out at the club at just after midnight, where he found his wife and 17 year old daughter brutally murdered and raped. Collins' son Adam, a former mediocre linebacker at the local junior college Kent State, was fatally shot in a police standoff just days earlier. Then, police say, Jerry Collins committed suicide. Neighbors heard a single gunshot and called the police. When the deaf policeman showed up, he initially thought something was very strange. When he called in what he found at the Collins residence, he reported that the two murder-rape victims were found with penises next to their bodies. When the second officer arrived, however, it was found that the "penises" were in fact, potatoes. The spuds were puzzling to the investigators. "Seriously? Who rapes somebody with a potato?" Police suspect the attack is somehow related to the recent weekend shootings, though they have no suspects.