Serious FRAT warning. Me and the wife are watching some Olympics after the kids go to bed. As usual, she is about to fall asleep on the couch around 11:00, so I tell her let’s go ahead and go to bed – she’s up multiple times a night with the baby, so she needs to sleep. We get upstairs and she goes right to sleep. I read for a little bit and around midnight decide I don’t really want to go to sleep yet, so I go downstairs to play NCAA. Right before halftime, I hear my daughter is up, so I go and rock her to sleep, so my wife doesn’t have to get up right after going to sleep. I get her back to sleep and head back downstairs. About 10 minutes later, I hear a noise coming from the kitchen. I think it’s the ice maker and keep playing. I hear it again and am wondering what’s going on. I look in, but because I am lying down in the floor, I can’t really see anything. A little bit later, I hear it again and think that it sounds like the back door, so I get up and walk around the corner and see that the back door is about a foot open. Now, here’s where your mind starts processing a ton of thoughts in a small amount of time. For about a tenth of a second, I think, “How did my wife walk past without me hearing her, and why is she going out the back door.” I then hear a voice at the back door say, “Oh shit!” At this point, I realize what’s going down and for some reason I clapped my hands (I don’t know why it was instinct to do something that would scare a dog) crazy loud – hard enough that my right hand was swollen and still hurting hours later. I then stretched my arms out to the side and yelled “WHAT?! WHAT?!” (somewhat like this but much louder, meaner, and much, much whiter). By the time I got to the door a few seconds later, they were gone, but looking back, I wish I had chased them for at least a little bit, so I could know what they look like. Because it was so dark outside, I didn’t see anything. The most disturbing part is that the deadbolt was locked and the picked it open without leaving any marks. The police said it seemed like they had a key or were a locksmith – although a quick google search showed me you can do it with two bobby pins in about 30 seconds. The police dusted the door for prints and also took the flashlight that they dropped when they saw me, so hopefully something turns up. They also hit up a few unlocked cars nearby, which makes me think they didn’t have a key to our place; we just happened to be the house they chose. Just in case, we changed the locks yesterday, put an extra safety lock that can only be opened from the inside, and activated the alarm system. Also, since my father-in-law strongly exercises his 2nd amendment rights, a fire arm will be at our place by tonight.