Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2nd annual Hardies awards show! It's been a whole season since the last one but it feels like it has only been a few weeks. So much has happened since last years show. It's good to see that all the coaches from last year should once again be in attendance with the exception of UAB coach Jkyle. We're not sure on why he won't be here, but there are rumors of overusing porn. However, I believe there no better place to start the show than with the recent news of H4Y moving to Premier Status for next year. I wonder how many blowjobs DirtyCash had to give to accomplish that one? And who he paid off to turn their head on The Qwon being accepted? But lets not dwell on the negative, H4Y with its' outstanding group of coaches is on to the premier leagues! Well anyway, lets see if we can get a quick word from some of the coaches and players as they make their way into the building. Ah, there's the league's newest coach, CoachRedd. Redd would you mind letting go of Ray Fisher's dick long enough to hold the microphone for an interview? Redd: I suppose so. Well Coach, obviously you were quite popular here last year. You had your head held high and a spring in your step after an incredible season in which you took the Blue Raiders to a 5-3 conference record and a bowl game. This year, you were unable to win a single conference game. What went wrong and what's the plan going forward? Redd: Well, obviously it was a tough year. I think we enjoyed a little too much success too early. This is still a big rebuilding project here, but it's one that I think we can accomplish. Our offense struggled to control the game this year. That's why next year we will be moving to some sort of variation of the wishbone. Interesting, well Ray, you obviously had a great year. What's in the future for you? (tosses mic to Ray, which Ray drops and then picks up) Ray: Well it was a great year and I'm really hoping to be inducted into the very prestigous H4Y HOF. Obviously the NFL isn't really an option for me, but I'm hoping to get a coaching job right here at MTSU. Good luck to both of you and thanks for your time. Here comes coach Snoopy. (Snoopy walks by with tears streaming down his face) Actually, lets talk to him later. He didn't quite have the dream season he was hoping for. (Two cars come screeching down the steet racing each other towards the building before the Black and Yellow car swerves in front of a blue and yellow car as they come to a screeching halt in front of the building.) Wow, what in the world is going on here. (Coach Hammerhead emerges from the black and yellow car as coach Qwon gets out of the other obviously displeased) Qwon: You son of a fucking bitch! You only beat me here cuz you told me I had to stop at that redlight. You redneck asshole! Hammer: Fuck you douchebag! I beat you here last year and I'll beat you here again next year! (Both men storm into the building) Alright well lets catch up with somebody less likely to hit me. Wait, is that Dirtycash over there behind that bush? (camera pans over to see Coach Dirtycash feverishly masturbating behind a bush to a piece of paper. He finishes quickly and goes inside.) Well, we might as well investigate as to what it was. Hmm, that's odd. This paper is just a notice that H4Y has been accepted into the premier leagues. Centech: Hey, you guys done with that paper cuz I got next. How this league is now premier is beyond me. But here's coach Steamer and former USU quarterback Dennis Brewster! Dennis, what do you have going on now? Brewster: I signed with the Redskins and right now I'm the 3rd string quarterback for them makin that paper. Well what brings you here tonight? Brewster: I'm here for my mother fuckin plaque. How these mutha fuckas gon deny me a HOF induction? You know how many yards I threw for at USU? You know how much time I put in to my football career? Aint shit else to do in Utah! They don't even like black people there except for Coach Steamer. So I'll be here til I get my trophy! Well ya know what, lets just go ahead and get these awards started before this shit show gets any worse. In honor of H4Y moving to premier league, we have a special guest here to announce the winners of each category! Please welcome, the greatest member ever of H4Y, Mr. Fuzzyl0gic! (The whole arena erupts in cheers. Except for Dirtycash who remains seated) Now we'll get started with 3 awards that shouldn't be big surprises. The first 3 will be, Best Overall User, Biggest Surprise team, and Most Disappointing team. Alright Fuzzy, kick it off! Fuzzy: Hey everybody, it's great to be here. I just wanted to say thank you to those that invited me and tell Dirtycash to go fuckhimself. The winner of Best Overall User goes to.... Coach Nikpin of Western Michigan! Well a big congrats to coach Nikpin as he wins the award two years in a row. Another undefeated season as he turned this vote into a landslide winning it 9-2 with DirtyCash managing to swipe a couple of votes. This next vote was a landslide as well as we go back to Fuzzy! Fuzzy: The next award for Biggest Surprise team goes to... Coach Blonderedhead of Arkansas State! Well no surprise on the biggest surprise. After struggling mightily the last couple of seasons to remain a middle of the road team, Ark St came out with a vengeance this season and dropped the hammer on the Western Division. In fact, the Indians only regular season losses were a 3-point sim loss to UL Monroe, a heartbreaking 31-28 loss to Nikpin and a 38-14 throttling at the hands of The Qwon. The real question will be if he can build upon this success for next year. Blonde took this one down easily with a vote of 9-2 as both JKyle and Dirtycash grabbed a vote. And now to our 3rd category and one of the least popular. After Coach Steamer took down the award last year, only two coaches would receive votes this year. Both coaches Redd and Snoopy didn't quite have the year that they had hoped for, but which one will take down this award? Fuzzy: The award for the Most Disappointing team goes to... Coach Snoopy of UL Lafayatte! Not sure that congratulations are in order, but it seems to be a well deserved award. The Ragin Cajuns appeared to have the most talented team heading into this season, but things quickly went south. After getting destroyed at the hands of Idaho, ULaLa was looking to prove that game was a fluke, but it would only get worse as they would drop their next 3 conference games as well agains Western Kentucky, Ark St and Kent St. The Ragin Cajuns were never able to right the ship but thanks to strong non-conference play, they will still be bowling. We will now head to a short commercial break, but when we return, we find out the winners of the next three awards. Will Qwon repeat as biggest douche? Or will Redd and Steamer have a shot to take him down? Who has the best offense in the league? Nik, DirtyCash and Steamer all received at least 3 votes, but who had enough votes to win? And who had the best defense? Qwon took the title last year, but he, Nik and DirtyCash were in a tight running this year. Stay tuned to find out!