UTEP - Tulane Catastrophe. UTEP finally wins 27-0

Discussion in 'Thread Archive' started by AndyVanSlyke, Jul 24, 2011.

  1. AndyVanSlyke

    AndyVanSlyke Walk On

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    The Miners of the University of Texas El Paso strolled into the Big Easy earlier in the week preparing for the highly anticipated matchup between Conference USA West foe Tulane. They would eventually finish the game, but not after a slew of issues that slowed down the game.

    The story should have been about what happened on the field, but it wasn't. With time expiring in the first quarter and a 7-0 lead by the Miners, the lights at the Superdome went out and the teams were left in the dark. After a lengthy delay and discussion with NCAA commissioner and UNLV head coach Heath Hale, the game eventually resume from that point.

    Then with time expiring in the third quarter and UTEP clinging to a 24-14 lead with Tulane facing a third and goal, the lights would again go out. By this point, it was so late in the evening that the game would be postponed. Tulane head coach Tanner Maluchnik would become so disgusted with the events that he would throw his headset on the ground and storm off of the field.

    The teams would wake up the next day and due to a seldom known quirk in the NCAA rulebook, the game would have to be replayed. This time around however, Coach Maluchnik was no where to be found. Rumors are swirling that he was spotted in a bar on Bourbon Street with UL-Lafayette head coach and alcoholic Bulldog playing Beer Pong while watching his team on tv mumbling something about EA servers. At press time, Coach Maluchnik was unavailable for comment.

    The Miners of UTEP woke up the next morning, walked into the Superdome and quickly dismantled the Green Wave. The final score was 27-0. The story of the game and now the story of the season is the defense of the UTEP Miners. Defensive Coordinator Andre Patterson put in a gameplan that would limit Tulane to 2 first down and 56 yards of offense. After allowing 103 points in their first three games, the Miners defense has allowed 17 points in their last three games. This quick turnaround has Coach Patterson popping up on the radars of some larger schools.

    When asked to comment on the events of the week, Coach Ryan Weaver said this, "This is not the way I wanted to play this game, Coach Maluchnik is a great guy and a great competitior. In fact, I am off to Bourbon Street to track down Tanner and buy him a few beers so he can drink his anger away. This game is behind us and we now look forward to hosting Colorado State next week."
     
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  2. TJM

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    I love these stories.

    We had a really great game going and I was gaining some momentum. Unfortunately my god awful team cant move the ball without the ol ball coach at the helm. Shows how much they need to give me a contract extension and how my security should increase 10 fold from the disaster my "assistant coaches" put on the field. If I can take a team on the opposite division of C-USA next year, I dont even know what the divisions are in this pathetic conference, I am going to take them so I can see UTEP in the C-USA game.

    As I lay here in the middle of Bourbon Street, with what I thought was a woman last night, I pray to the gods, Bonner, who I will be giving game tape too, can beat UTEP along with 1 or 2 other awful C-USA teams. Then, when we win out the C-USA, we will make it into the C-USA game "laffin" while UTEP "bawls" into their margaritas and taco bell.

    With that said, I put Tulane University athletics on 2 year probation, because why not? Everyone else is doing it.
     
  3. AndyVanSlyke

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    SMU has already beaten me, so they are in the drivers seat in the West. Bonner is right there too. This is going down to the wire.
     
  4. TJM

    TJM Walk On

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    I play SMU week 11 and Bonner has them at week 14 I believe.
     
  5. AndyVanSlyke

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    i think you and smu will end up being the game to determine who goes. I really don't see me winning out at all. I still have rice, UCF, ecu and southern miss. Neither you or bonner play UCF this year. The schedule sits in y'alls favor.
     
  6. TJM

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    who knows. Itll be fun to see who goes. As they say "every week is a tough week in the C-USA!"
     
  7. AndyVanSlyke

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    yes...truly an elite conference.
     
  8. krbonn76

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    Who says this?
     
  9. TJM

    TJM Walk On

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    sarcasm. Every conference says that about themselves
     

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