Why Your Division Sucks - AFC North

Discussion in 'Hard Knocks' started by G_T_G, Aug 18, 2015.

  1. G_T_G


    Jul 21, 2010
    Why Your Division Sucks - AFC North Hard Knocks

    Cleveland Browns


    Owner: Shaun Mason

    Why they suck:

    This is really fucking risky.. talking shit to Shaun Mason... I'll need to be gentle, seeing as how he could single-handedly ruin me in multiple ways from the comfort of his computer chair.

    The Browns are from Cleveland.. the epicenter of suck in professional sports. The Browns are the crown jewel of the elite sucking that goes on in this wonderful place - there is reason why they call this franchise the factory of sadness...

    It's been 50.. yes, FIFTY years since a Cleveland team last won a major sports championship... I'm a Cubs fan, and even I think that's fucking depressing..

    Fun fact: the last time the Browns were relevant, the first Superbowl hadn't even been played yet.

    This team is 75 overall with Josh McCown/Johnny Manziel at QB. What's funny is that these guys are at literally opposite ends of the personality spectrum. One is a god fearing choir boy whilst the other snorts coke off of dirty sloots in public bathrooms. Only thing they have in common is that they both suck ass.

    Seriously, you'd have a better chance of winning with Drew fucking Carey at QB.



    Pittsburgh Steelers


    Owner: bigtubb_

    Why they suck:

    Tubb is the biggest Steelers fan to ever not be affiliated with Pittsburgh in any way whatsoever.

    Pittsburgh sucks so much that pitt4life21 is from there and even he wants no part of this team. He's a fucking Texans fan.. a team hundreds of miles away.. just in a desperate effort to get the stink of the Steelers off of himself.

    I've been to Pittsburgh, man. It's like if the cast from The Hills Have Eyes decided to move up north and settle in the area. It's not fucking pretty. Pound-for-pound the ugliest fan base in the NFL.


    Pictured above: Steelers fan enjoying the view at Heinz field.

    They are 84 overall going into this release after a nice season last year. So, while their city and fanbase may suck, this team actually isn't that bad (no matter how much Tubb complains in chat and tries to convince you otherwise).

    This team seems to be solid just about everywhere except for CB and - much to Tubb's dismay - tight end.

    Good luck trying to get away with 15 passes a game to Heath fuckin' Miller, bruh.

    Cincinnati Bengals


    Owner: Danthraxxx

    Why they suck:

    This team is so content with just making the playoffs and getting destroyed in the first round every time, that they haven't fired Marvin Lewis after 10+ fucking years of mediocrity. What a proud franchise!

    Andy Dalton has the arm strength of a pre-pubescent spider monkey. He also has no soul, because ginger. He might also be the devil.


    Dan might actually not suck, though. He should have plenty of time to practice.

    His offensive scheme of play-actions with some play-actions mixed in, with the occasional play-action is very hard to stop. What a talented guy.

    Baltimore Ravens



    Why they suck:

    Broth is so skinny, that its a miracle that his fingers don't snap in half whilst playing this game. It would almost be nice if they did, because then he'd have to take a few sims and might actually win a game or two.

    Led by the greatest QB to ever sport a unibrow, Joe Flacco, the Ravens are 85 overall and are arguably the best team in the division. However, on the flip side, they also not-so-arguably have the worst owner in the division.

    Broth winning this division is about as likely as Broth moving back in with his parents.. and we all know how much he hates his fucking parents.


    Marc Trestman being associated with the Ravens (even if he isn't even in Madden in any way, shape or form) automatically means this team is going to be filled with a bunch of soft losers. You are now cursed by Trestman, and destined to throw shitty WR screens on every 3rd and long throughout the rest of this release.

    On a positive note, "Chickenbrothman" is the weirdest, random-est, best alias in all of TSO. Ironic for a guy to be named after food, but not believe in eating.
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  2. Shaun Mason

    Shaun Mason Somebody you used to know.

    Feb 9, 2009
    Featured Threads:
    I'm amuses. Go forth peasant and spread the Word of Sadness. Side note: prior to marriage I had much in common with JFF if you leave out anything related to athleticism. What I mean: I am a sloot tamer.
    • Like Like x 2
  3. KnightNoles

    KnightNoles Learn to Compete

    Jul 6, 2009
    Need some MOAR
  4. thirdalarm

    thirdalarm Walk On

    Jun 13, 2012
    Third...... Biggest Raiders fan..... Ever

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